i tried to make my way to you, but still i feel so lost. i don't know what else i can do...

tonight i found myself an Angel fan once again 'cause two of my favorite girls in the whole wide world were on it. faith made a second appearance and willow showed up tonight as well. how happy was i? by the end of the episode i was applauding like the twelve-year-old little girl that i am because willow was heading back to sunnydale WITH faith. what? there's a war going on? but faith and willow are on right now. i'm such the pop culture junkie, especially when it comes to my shows. buffy, the creek, and alias...i'm so hooked. and now the creek and buffy are going the way of felicity, roswell and popular. sigh, why do all the good ones have to die so young? oh yeah that's right to make room for more "I'm A Celebrity Who Just Married A Celebrity That Never Really Was A Celebrity To Begin With Who Just Ate Some Bug And Then Did Something All Crazy Like While Being Filmed While Acting Like They Never Knew The Camera Was Even There" reality kinda crap that seems to be jumping up everywhere. while i am a Big Brother junkie, i could do without all the other reality trash, and if this continues i'll be forced to go from reading one book a week to two or three.

in other exciting news i saw my first preview for the lizzie mcguire movie tonight. lizzie wha? you ask. i know, the movie is obviously being targeted to the ten year old fan base that watches the show every week on the disney channel, but hey i watch it too. it's so cute, it's like a boy meets world with a girl as the lead. and it's funny and it's touching at times, and i will be the oldest kid in line for my ticket when that movie comes out.

and now for something completely different...since my last post i've talked with "my main village man" twice. the first time was after our st. p's day outing. we talked for a couple of hours until i was ready to pass out. i like falling asleep while talking to YOU on the phone. it just seems right. so by 4:30 in the a.m. i was a little past tired, so we said our goodnights. and then i talked to him for a wee bit tonight. he had some other things going on so we made it brief. every time i talk to him i'm more confused but more sure of myself and what i want than i was the day before. he's the right one for me, i don't know what i see in him at all. he's perfect, just what i need. he's not right for me at all. i'm so confused. if i taint this and lose him i'll be lost for good, i know that. i've done it before, but this is the one that counts. i'm so afraid of being happy and i don't know why that is. it shouldn't be this hard. i hear it in his voice, he thinks that my holding back has something to do with him, that it's his fault. it's only me, it's always me. i'm the one to blame.

...i've got nothing left to say, just take me away.