enter cute girl from the past.

cute girl that i once flirted with. because i am that stupid, sad and pathetic. who knows why i do what i do? it's my life, don't you forget it. anyway, it's probably been close to a year and a half since i've seen her. and there she was today. just as tiny as ever, totally pocket sized and all that. "wow, you look good, wait are you healthy?" she asked. "yeah" i said rolling my eyes. "then yeah, you look good. you lost a ton of weight" she said. "i wish." my token response. because honestly i have no idea what to say when someone tells me that i look good. it's been 20+ years. i don't know how to think, feel, act when someone tells me that i look good. honestly, it's all new to me. "how much weight have you lost?" she asked. "almost sixty-five pounds." i tell her. "wow, like, wow" she says. okay, i'm starting to get a little freaked out by the way her eyes are on me. swear to God it's as if she's sizing me up and i'm the thanksgiving turkey. "um, thanks. whatever, but thanks." i say rolling my eyes again. and i swear, no exaggeration, the entire time that she was talking to me she was checking me out. no one checks me out *trust* so i know when someone is in fact checking me out. after some small talk... "so are you ever in my neck of the woods?" she asked. do people still talk like that? is what i wondered. "where do you live?" i ask. she tells me. yeah i used to frequent that area when B lived there. "really?" she asked. i nod. "you should totally come out with us on saturday night!" she tells me. "saturday?" i ask. "yeah, you should come." she said with a smile. "why can't you be a boy???" i think to myself. "um, sure, maybe." is what i say. "okay, here's my work email and this is my home email. email me and i'll let you know where to meet up." she says. "um, sure." i say, thinking "this really isn't happening." and yes, once again it was. "no, you should meet us. a bunch of us girls are going out that night. they'd eat you up. come with us. a bunch of single girls and you, come on." she tells me. "ah, yeah i like boys." i think. "sure." is what i say. beer and boobies, i mean it won't be all bad. "okay, email me tomorrow." she says again, walking off. "okay." i say with my smile. the smile that makes all the girls swoon. not a single guy, but all the girls. "i will." i say. and just like that i have plans for valentine's day. but i don't want those plans but like my friend told me tonight, me and all those drunk horny girls = free drinks for the j man. i'm all about the free drinks, i mean i am a raging alcoholic and a whore. but at what price? do i wonder. and once again i ask myself why can't there at least be ONE cute boy coming with us. i asked T to join us. he was all like, "yeah, oh wait i have to work." and i was all like, "damn i'm broken hearted cause i so wanna blow you." who? what? where? "i meant blow your mind." he's adorable. and i get to hang with him at cyndi on tuesday so i guess that will have to do.

so chris got his package today.
kia got her card.
and apparently the boy didn't get his gift.

kia thinks mad wicked, but good, karma is coming my way. i want what J & R have, is that so much to ask?

anyway, good karma is a good thing. i love, and i love. and who cares if i get nadda in return? the boy called me back FINALLY. and i guess that's enough to put a smile on my face. scratch that, hearing his voice IS enough to put a smile on my face. madonna + tori + coldplay = big smile on this mug o' mine. and i'm not just smiling because he has a HUGE 1988 style cell phone. one that he hides when he's out because he's so embarrassed by it. i'm smiling because he's so adorable, and because he will forever have a place in my heart. even if we are beyond over, he will forever make me smile. and that's good enough for me. that's good enough for tonight.