surviving

i'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around the thought of how a person can go from meaning so much to you for so long, to becoming a complete stranger to you. it gets to the point that if you're out somewhere and you see them you purposely put your head down and pick up your pace, making every effort just to avoid having an awkward conversation. and by awkward i mean that it's all about them, a subject your mind reached it's fill of long ago. a person can only be sad for so long before their sadness begins to drag everyone else in their life down along with them. you begin to realize that if what you had really was love then maybe it would have worked out. but now, being that you survived it and all that it was, you can look at it with a saner view. with that i guess it's easier to see it for what it was. nothing more than a single sided relationship that benefited only him. yes, it was fun for a short period of time. he's fun to look at, to touch. but the few good days that you have to look back on really aren't enough to make it worth sticking around for more of the bad days. and you know there will be bad days because those are the one's that he's really the best at. he's good at making your life a mess. he's good at making you doubt yourself. he's good at making you think that something is wrong with you, that something does need to change. when in all honesty the only change that you really need is to build a new life that doesn't involve him in any way. love. friendship. a passing face in the crowd. i mean how many depressing conversations can you really have with someone before you want to just kick them down a flight of stairs? honestly, you'd be doing them a favor.