hey stupid

you're stupid for fooling yourself into believing that anyone cares.  that anyone could ever care.  you are what you are.  a bleeding heart.  too sensitive.  too caring.  too generous with your heart.  they never ask you for your heart, you box it up and send it off to them as is if it were a care package.  an unwanted care package at that, sent to the wrong address.  and it always comes back to you, knocked around, crushed on the corner, with the words "package undeliverable" printed in big bold letters for everyone to see.

the fact that this has happened to you more than once would be enough to prevent most people from ever trying again.  but not you, each and every time you're always dumb enough to think, "no but this time this one really feels different."  you find sign after sign.  you hold yourself back on more than one occassion.  but every time you find yourself holding back, a much larger sign presents itself and you start to feel silly or foolish for ever doubting yourself in the first place.  the fear that you have of keeping your mouth shut and letting something good walk away frightens you enough to make a stupid choice. so you give in.  you let your guard down, just a little.  just enough to let them in.  sadly mistaken in thinking that they even want in.

he never asked you to let him in. 

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it fall in love with someone as pathetic as you are.  isn't that how the saying goes?

so you pack it all up.  head on into the next town.  all that you have to carry is starting to be too much to drag along with you.  maybe you should just leave it all behind and start over fresh somewhere else.  i know that's what you thought you were doing this time, but it wasn't really.  you misunderstood the invitation that was offered during more than one conversation.  you mistook joking for sincerity.  boredom and having time to kill for caring.  you feel like a chump.  you are a chump.  and really, that's all you'll ever be.