your future says run, but you can't even walk

spoke with my sister tonight about the big move. didn't go as well as planned. well, i pretty much already knew what she ended up telling me. but i had hoped for some better, more positive news. oh well. she said that to avoid the out of state tuition i'd have to live in the state for at least a year, and i knew that. but i thought maybe that could be avoided with her moving their first, if i ended up going there. however if i go with my city of choice, boston, then that wouldn't make much of a difference. she suggested going to school for a year here first and then transferring after she's been there for a year. i told her that wasn't really what i had in mind.

a) i kinda want to move now. i've been kicking the idea around for at least five or six years now. and if i'm going to do it i'd rather do it now instead of putting it off for another year.

and b) if i picked a school here, why just do it for a year and then leave? i might as well just stick with that school then. so there's always move and work for a year and then apply. if it was boston that is. the problem is i don't want to put the school thing off any longer.

but how do i just pick up and move without someone to split rent with? my two places of choice are more pricey than what i'm currently used to. while making my car payments? and paying off the debt? while looking for a job. this sucks.

two good things came out of our talk however. she said that once she gets settled she'll be in the position to help me out with tuition, if i needed her to. and when i spoke of the guilt issue and how our mom would have both of her kids out of state, my sister said that she thought she'd be okay. she said if she knew that i was finally happy then she'd find a way to be okay with it. i needed to hear that.

things i know:

i want to live in a new town.
i want to go back to school.
i want the mr.
i want the house.
i want the white picket fence.
i want the 2.5 kids.
i want the dog named sebastian.
i want the summer home.

i want it now.