a change of scenery

sunshine.  the forecast called for rain.  i love it when they're wrong.  no doubt's "just a girl" playing obscenely loud.  windows down.  flip flops on.  every spring i fall in love with my car all over again.  a look at the money situation tells me that i'm still a long way off from any major life changes.  a look at the credit card statement tells me that nikki and i drink entirely too much.  aimed for eight hours of sleep last night, for the first time in over a month.  wound up getting ten, guess i was more exhausted than i was even willing to admit to myself.  got a text after six of the ten hours.  that made the pain in my stomach go away a little bit.  new alias tonight, and the thoughts of ice cream have me smiling.  my one day out of the week when i allow myself to deviate from the diet. 

had so much fun with the best friend last night.  i let her drift away these past few weeks, looking at her as she smiled opening up her door made me thankful for what i do have in my life. 

ms. k: you didn't call.  i was expecting the 'hey i'm lost' call.

me: look at me all growed up.  i just told my friend on the phone that you were probably waiting for me to call.  funny.

things like that are the reasons why i love her.  getting some of the same questions wrong on our pop culture quiz, and answering them in the very same way is another.  of course i rawked that mother. all i know is useless pop crap.

ms. k: it's sad when i bomb a pop culture quiz when that's all i pride myself on knowing.

me: sorry, i pretty much aced it.

ms. k: bastard.

did the dinner thing earlier in the night. saw a lady wearing white cotton photography gloves the entire time she was in the restaurant. odd. we did our best not to stare, but come on. sat by a window and i told her i was having a hard time remembering that they could see us through the glass as well, and maybe it was best not to people watch. but it didn't stop us.

ms. k: have you seen anything about...

me: dodgeball?

ms. k: YES! how did you...?

me: i saw the poster yesterday. money made me think of vince vaughn, that's how i got there.

ms. k: me too! i love the way our minds work.

our waitress came to our table three times to see if we knew what we wanted, we kept sending her away. she never came back.

new waitress: hi, i'll be serving you now.

me: did the other girl leave us 'cause we took to long to decide?

new waitress: hehe.

she did, that's what we decided. later, back at her place, we watched around five shows at once. ms. k was surf happy. being with her just made me happy. it's been a while since i've been around any of my friends. my touch stones. i've forgotten who i was for a bit. they are in my life for a reason, even if at times i feel so far removed from most of them, the fact that we remain twenty years later says a lot.

spoke with kia on the drive home.  almost died twice.  "this fog is bullshit!"  i mean there were times when i wasn't sure if the road was straight or curving.  driving ten miles an hour just to keep yourself on a road that may or may not even be there is a joke.  but i was facing it all with my new flip flops and jeans from hollister.  at least i knew i'd die happy and well dressed.  what more could you really ask for?

heard from the boy today.  didn't expect that. haven't really talked to him since my birthday. i still beat myself up over how all of that played out.  i guess i should, it was mainly my doing.  i thought that my inability to give him what he wanted, or needed, meant that my giving him some space was the best idea.  i guess when you can't be what someone else needs you to be, just being is enough.  being in their life is enough.  it took someone else to open my eyes to this fact.  i just fear that if we go back to talking that it will give him the wrong idea.  the last thing i want to do is mess with his head and hurt him all over again.  somehow he found a way to forgive me for last spring.  i just don't want to put him through any of that again.  i didn't know what i wanted then, now i do.  his friendship means a great deal to me.  but friendship, end of story.