waiting

and i'm sitting here. and i'm crying. and i don't even know why. i never cry, you remember that. i shared that with you once. and then i listed the twenty times that i could remember crying. but yeah, i never cry.

i sit. and i wait. for things that will never come to me. for things that will never happen. and for some reason, tonight, the sadness of that realism is almost too much to deal with. phones that don't ring. smiles i don't see. a distant laugh. happiness i'm forever chasing. i never claimed to be more than i am. to share with you more than what is. but i guess sometimes that just isn't enough. to sit and wait isn't enough. and you wait as long as you can, and then you grow bored. and then you move on. or maybe i was mistaken. maybe you were never really waiting in the first place. you were what you were, and i will forever be changed for the strong pull you've had on my gravitation. you were unlike anyone i've ever known, ever experienced. one day high, the next day lower than any low i've ever felt before. tears that block out the keys that my fingers are fighting so hard to find. i'm sorry i am what i am. i'm sorry you need what you need. each night i prayed that the two would one day meet. each morning i awoke with the realization that they never would. never could.