conversations from the dinner party

her: i was out shopping last night and someone's phone rang and everyone around started feeling their pockets to see if it was them ringing.

me: yeah?

her: yeah, it was ridiculous.

me: i do that too.

her: of course you do. you're addicted to your phone.

me: i even feel around in my pockets and grab myself when i know my phone is at home.

her: just so you can touch yourself?

me: well someone has to.

- - - - -

her: i'm not saying he was in the mafia or anything.

her: was he? i heard he was.

her: all i do know is that he wanted his neighbor to move. and when she wouldn't, her house burned down two days later.

me: yikes.

- - - - -

her: don't you remember her? she used to work with us.

me: not really.

her: yeah, and she tried to come back.

me: hmmm.

her: but then they found out she had a record. she was picked up for buying young guys beer.

me: really?

her: yeah, and they paid her by having sex with her.

her: what?! she's like 62!

me: gag, vomit.

- - - - -

him: hello?

me: hi. guess where i'm calling you from?

him: ummm... dunno.

me: the restroom!

him: what?! (that high pitched "what" that he does so well) but it's wednesday!

me: (giggling)