G

"sometimes in a relationship, going through hell isn't so bad, if you come out of it a little stronger. i guess the same is true about friends." -felicity

ten years ago when i moved on from you, i walked away with a promise to never look back. to not regret my choice, however hasty it may have seemed at the time. you have bad with the good in a friendship, your bad just happened to overshadow the good. now when i look back i can see you teaching me how to drive stick. i remember finding "never dreamed you'd leave in summer" together, a good thing. and "the pina colada song", yeah, not so much. your insanity and laughter are what i was missing, i just didn't realize that until i found my way back to you. i didn't see any of this happening back then. or even last fall when we hugged and all of this started up again. you were my best friend when we were seventeen. and now, you've been there for me unlike any of the others. i let you in, i showed you who i was. and we became stronger friends because of it. you came back into my life for a reason. you talked me off that ledge. you thought for me when i was unable to think for myself. who knew a best friend could be born out of rubble from the past. a long past that ended abruptly. i'm not sure if i should look at it as us not meant to be friends then when we were. or if we were meant to be friends all along, and that's why we made our way back to one another.

"it's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along."

i think about that line a lot. my goodbye ended us and i regretted that for a long time. ups and downs. endings and fresh starts. that's all in the nature of having friends i suppose. i just never saw this new one getting to me like it did. and once it did, i spent all my time fearing that it would end. i guess the fear then consumed me. and the only way i knew how to deal with what i knew i'd lose was to push it away first, before i got left behind. seven days worth of ripping everything apart, and that's what i've come up with.