scarred

sometimes what you need the most is waiting for you at the airport as you walk through the gate.  waiting to take you back to a place where you don't fuck up.  a place where you don't hurt the one person that somehow quietly, slowly, became someone that mattered more to you than you realized.  the last person you'd ever want to hurt.  a place where your insecurities don't exist.  a place where you're not a mistake.  a place where the following four days helped to make the previous four seem a little less sad. a place where a bowl of ice cream on a humid summer night is enough.  is perfect.  where you watch the my so-called life episode when danielle dresses up like angela for halloween. the who's the boss episode where the living dolls spin off starts. an another world episode from 1988 with matt and josie. an another world episode you remember watching when it was new. a will & grace episode that's painful, when it really shouldn't be. the felicity episode where she cuts off her hair. a hug from a sister.  phone calls from two friends.  all help to make things seem a little better.  even when they really aren't.  i don't need photographs.  i don't need souvenirs. i have the three inch scar on my arm that will forever remind me that i really was there.  of how stupid i am. how i lose the things i try so hard to hang on to. and at the same time find myself pushing away. that i really messed up. and of all that i lost.