[you know that you just don't know]

i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about you too. i know what you mean when you say you see me everywhere you look. you hear me in every song that begins to play. the what ifs, and why nots, forever linger on in my mind, and in my heart. that was never the issue or the problem. you ask me why? why still? why now? and i guess why is what i've come to fear the most. why is what keeps me running. second-guessing. doubting. searching. maybe i'm searching for something that never even existed. maybe i'm searching for something i've had all along. something i've always been too blind to see. but the simple truth is that the doubts and the fears and the questions still do remain. and that fact alone is enough to keep me from letting you in. your words. your tears. when you say i love you, i love you. it scares me. it really does. i can't tell you why there's still a why. you can ask me a hundred times and i doubt i'll ever know.

or maybe it's just this time of year, like you said. the fall has always had a way of making me miss something that i've never really had to begin with. it makes me fall in love with a feeling, or a memory, rather than actually in love itself.

to be honest, maybe love exists. maybe love remains. maybe love was there all along. maybe that was never the question or the doubt. maybe it was just me, and who i am. maybe it breaks down to something as simple as a boy, standing here alone, afraid of loving.