[today]

i woke up today with the feeling that i was going to die. weird. it was as if it had already been decided and agreed upon and i really had little say in the matter. it was such a strong, believable, feeling that i began to worry a bit about the whole thing. i found myself looking at things around me, wondering if the truck in front of me carrying a heavy load was somehow going to play a part in my end. the thought that turning down a road that i don’t usually go down, rather than going the normal way, fed into my paranoia. as if fate would play a hand in my death. i’m not really sure where this feeling came from, or how it came to be, but it’s been impossible for me to shake it all day.

nikki and i saw Alfie last night. what a great movie. one of my new all time favorites. i’ve had a few of those this year, this along with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Garden State. Jude Law playing vulnerable. Nia Long with tears in her eyes. isolation, love, changes (both chosen and forced) all made for the perfect movie. and today was Nikki Kidman in Birth. it was heavy and sad, and not the movie i’d really pick for my last movie ever, should that be the case. but it was good, even if Anne Heche looked like an alien in it. maybe she was on to something when she was found wandering around the desert in her panties, talking about the aliens coming to get her. whatever happened, i’m pretty sure she somehow became one.

it’s really cold here today, my favorite wool sweater made it’s first appearance of the year. there’s just something so perfect about walking down the sidewalk, the first cold wind of the season cutting through you, leaves dancing across the street, and a warm sweater pulled down over your hands.