[saturday]

me: hey.
G: hey.
me: how goes it?
G: oh good, same old same old. my boyfriend filed for a marriage license.
me: what?
G: oh, not with me, with some other whore.
me: ouch.

so we drove to the cinema to see what was playing. kicked around the idea of a second viewing of closer but she passed on the idea of seeing something that was too much like her current relationship. so we settled on saw. i so wasn’t in the mood to see that movie, but i figured how bad could it be? it was freakin' sweet. you have no idea what to expect, what’s going on, and when you think you have it figured out the entire movie collapses on itself. you find yourself sitting in the dark, shocked, feeling as if the rug was pulled out from under you. i loved this movie. i don't think the people behind us even realized that they were watching a movie. they talked the entire time. one was chewing on what i can only assume was a large bag of rocks. and the one guy had nasal issues, every 15 seconds he made loud long snorts with his nose. they were a treat.

after the flick we decided to drive to the wannabe dive bar down the street. it’s a new bar, so it really shouldn’t look as rundown as it does, but... yeah, I have no explanation for it. texted kia to inform her we were in the very same bar that the "great antenna incident of ‘04" went down. the longer we sat at the bar the more insane people would come in the door. at one point i looked at G and said, “we are sooo gonna get shot tonight.” there was a mild altercation like three feet away from us where two twelve-year-olds came in with a group of guys who can only be described as thugs. the one girl appeared to be with child. they migrated to the dance side so we stayed safely tucked away on the “bon jovi” side. he’s a lyrical genius, wurd. G kept running to the restroom, i kept ordering beer. i kept her updated on the colorful characters around us when she would rejoin me on her stool. the bartenders name was steve, and he knew EVERYone in that place but the two of us.

G: what did I miss?
me: well the guy to my right is slowly trying to come out.
G: really?
me: yeah, he asked bartender steve if they could play some dance music.
G: oh yeah?
me: he said he would consider it a personal favor if they could.
G: (laughing)
me: then he turned to his friends and said he really likes usher, and wondered if that made him gay.

the guy on the other side of G kept trying to talk to me every time she’d run off. i sat there quietly freaking out, trying my best not to accidentally make eye contact, pretending not to hear him over the loud music. much to my delight he knew “gay boy in yellow hoodie” to my right and i ended up in the middle of their conversation. that’s when i jetted off to the juke box.

G: you brought nikki here?
me: yeah, she was like the only girl here that night.
G: really?
me: yeah, she was convinced i brought her to a gay bar.
G: she knows right?
me: well, i told her, but i don’t think she believes me.
G: she doesn’t believe you?
me: no, i guess i’m just not that convincing as a gay man.

after we closed down the bar, aka steve trying to take our beer from us before we were done with it, we headed back into the cold and snow. at this point G decided she needed breakfast. i called kia to give her an update on our evening. she kept us company as we drove for some food. G opened her christmas gift. i got her the charlie brown christmas dvd because she sounded like she was going to cry on the phone when i told her it was on tv the night before, and she missed it. so we made our way to IHOP. G almost ran over a cop that was walking across the parking lot.

me: i can’t believe you almost drove over that cop.
G: yeah, well she should stay out of my way.

i didn’t think it was possible, but IHOP was way more ghetto than the bar we were in. it was loud, it was crazy, mass confusion. i guess our waitress got skurrd because we never saw her again after she brought us our food. i tried to get G to just leave since we just sat there for 15 minutes without ever getting a check. i told her to just guess, and leave the money behind. so we stood another 10 minutes in line to pay. i was tired. i was drunk. i just wanted to get home and crawl into bed. G insisted on going back to the table to leave a generous tip for our invisible waitress. she said that she was going to fire off a nasty email to them about our insane experience. somehow by the time we got into the car it was 4:30am. i have no idea how it ended up that late, or where the missing few hours went. i’m thinking IHOP may be a black hole, i’m not sure. we said our goodbyes and i crawled into bed and got a nice long 4 hour nap before i got to head off and do shopping and lunch with the mom. and now the couch is calling out to me.

five more days until vacation. five more days.