[go to hell A]

"i'm looking for a teammate."

bitch please. you sealed your fate when you:

screwed everyone over in your girl alliance and only looked out for your hillbilly sister. you claimed that you thought the alliance had ended and everyone was looking out for themselves? huh?

-and-

proved that you are not in fact, "true to your word", by going back on your pinky swear to not put will up on the block. aka the reason i hate you.

you have the nerve to compare will to charles manson? you my dear are the one who tries to bully everyone into making decisions that only benefit you, while pretending they are somehow in the other person's best interest.

you actually seem shocked when no one other than useless cowboy wants to get your back. there is a reason why they run from you as if you had the plague. perhaps some time alone in the sequester house with Will will help open your eyes up some. he did say he was out for twin blood. i'm thinking he's about to get a second serving.

p.s. new scrubs tonight. rawk.

[note to self]

no matter how hard it is to fight the urge to do otherwise, please take the following advice. from this day forward, when you see a preview for wimbledon, don't get excited and tell ANYone that it looks good and that you want to see it. keep all comments about this movie and how adorable you think kirsten dunst is to yourself. trust me on this one, it's for your own good. and if you doubt me, just think about the twenty or so people that you've shared your excitement with thus far. and remember the look of horror that appeared across their face. carry on.

[so much to say]

sarah mclachlan.
amazing. in my top ten favorite concerts ever.

garden state.
beautiful. sigh. in my top five favorite movies ever.

dinner and drinks with G friday night. checking out the same two cute boys. i think i have whiplash. driving home, rockin' out alone. windows down. first pearl jam's "daughter" had me flashing back to B's dorm room. i can still picture every single part of that moment as i put the cd in to play. avril's "my happy ending" had me driving two roads out of my way and in circles just so i could listen to it and yell out my favorite parts like the twelve-year-old little girl that i am. when dave matthews' "crash" came on it became a three in a row perfection.

lots of other stuff happened like going to columbus for the weekend, catching up with the love of my life, sitting through a 3+ hour graduation (aka staring at three cute guys), driving a lot, drinking some, and getting very little sleep. but my brain hurts so i'll have to save all that for another time. now i need to catch up on my sleep and BB5.

i did however find my way to a little death cab for cutie, keane and the killers. hoo-ray for ear candy.

oh, and this makes me very happy.

[today's PSA]

hi. can we talk? yes, i'm looking at you. okay, see that piece of paper that you have in your hand there. no, your other hand. that one's empty. do you see how that piece of paper looks like it's been folded up like an accordion? oh, you got hot did ya? needed a lil' fan. that's cute. anyway, that piece of paper... well, you see, feeding it through the top loader on a copier will only do one thing. it will force you to say goodbye to that piece of paper forever. you don't want that do you? didn't think so. no it wasn't a trap that i set in an effort to rip your paper into three more manageable pieces. next time why don't we, just for fun, lift the top and put it on the glass. sound good?

when your paper disappears, do not look at me and shrug. i warned you. i will not help you stick your ugly little face into the copier while you call out to your missing piece of paper. i will be laughing at you as i walk away. as i walk away. sorry, that was a lil' weezer for ya.

and just for future reference, if your piece of paper is the size of a postage stamp, the top loader is your enemy.

that's all. thanks for your time. have a great day.

[thankful for sight]

[lacking sentence structure]

my left eye itches like a muther.
-of course i keep rubbing it.
-of course it's only making things worse.

there might be some minor "lobster" action goin' down this weekend.
-i'm just saying.
-fingers crossed.

had a miserable day at work, totally feeling sorry for myself. then an email from the adorable one made me realize that life isn't so bad, for me.

i have this constant desire for new clothes. mixed with a desire to keep getting smaller. yet i can't figure out why i'm always broke. hmm.

it's no secret that i love my flip flops, please bury me in them, but i want want want fall to be here. like now.

sarah mclachlan is thursday. sweetness.

if one more person tells me how amazing Garden State is, i will seriously kick their ass from here to the garden state. i will see in on friday, even if i have to trick G.

it's time to start a new book.

"i think i'm gonna puke"

met up with jules for our sunday movie and lunch thing. saw open water. half- way through the movie i thought i was going to vomit. i was getting motion sickness from watching the the stranded couple bob up and down. that was about the time jules leaned over and whispered that the movie was making her sick. it was good. the storm sequence was kinda hard to sit through, other than that it wasn't extremely scary. however this movie, in combination with my irrational fear of whales will be keeping me out of the water for the rest of my life.

came home, couched it, and stumbled upon an old "horror" movie from the 70s. the other. it was creepy, it was twisted, it was very good. evil twins, missing fingers, pickled babies... i wonder what my dreams are gonna be like tonight.

speaking of evil twins, last night's big brother seriously could not have made me any happier. nakomis is out for twin blood in an attempt to avenge my beloved will. ms. b and i were very happy to see that by this time next week one of them will be gone. of course she keeps pulling for a three-way tie between the twins and cowboy so we won't have to look at any of them anymore.

minor adjustments

i'm diggin' the new issue of details. the only change i'd make would be swapping the back and front covers. in my mind josh duhamel is on the cover this month, not joey(insert eyeroll). and when did details become the new A&F quarterly? not that i'm complaining mind you. not at all. so. many. shirtless. guys. huh? where was i?

me: hey.
D: hi. yes, my hair is now black.
me: oh, i didn't notice.
D: riiight.
me: okay, so i thought it was a wig.
D: what the?!
me: what? it looks fake.
D: i'll be right back.
me: wait, before you go. (adjusting her hair)
D: um?
me: your wig was crooked, i was fixing it for you.
D: ass.

i coulda been a fly girl, just like j. lo

went into work last night to catch up on all that was waiting for me in my five day absence. a minor price to pay for my trip to virginia, maryland and DC. have nomad will travel. i think the cleaning guy may have caught me rockin' out to some tonic, i'm not a hundred percent on that one. he just smiled and nodded. i smiled back. i'm sure it's not every day that he's exposed to such mad dancing skills. tried to buy a new cell today. half an hour later and i was still three or four people away from being waited on so i decided to leave. flip phone or slider? i'm still as ms. k would say, tron. came home and got all caught up on BB5. when did A become such a biach? if i lose my Will i will cry. i'm not sure what was funnier, him saying:

"i'm beginning to fear that pairs and pairs of twins are going to start hopping off the roof and coming up out of the grass"
-or-
"i am out for twin blood. those bitches are goin' down."

every time i see a commercial for garden state i get a minor case of chills and a wee little tear forms in the corner of my left eye. of course it's not playing here. of course.

i want to be the most popular girl

rumor has it we'll be partying like rock stars (naturally).
cruisin', chillin', windows down, new sunglasses on, new kids on the block playing...
what the?

the blazer. xm radio. a getaway. i can't wait.

i'll be gushing just like ruth from amish in the city.

except i've been there before, so it won't be new to me.
and i don't have her lil' accent.
and i'm not amish.
and kevan won't be there for me to molest slash talk to.
but other than that it'll be exactly the same.
yeah.

i'll call 911...from the bar across the street

them: did you go to the fire safety class?
me: no. i'm going to the afternoon one, yep, definitely the afternoon one.
them: okay, see you then!

deb: did you go to the fire safety class?
me: um no. i know how to use a fire extinguisher, i'm not stupid. stupid is them thinking that if this place catches on fire my ass is gonna be stickin' around long enough to put it out.
deb: (laughing)
me: i'm out the door.
deb: (still laughing)
me: forreal.

impotent little garden gnome

and when you see your baby sister moments away from getting into a fist fight with a senior citizen all you can do is stand there, smile, and think, 'that's my girl.'

"well all right"

the first thing i thought of, when i heard the news last night, was the last time that i saw you. a tear in the corner of your eye. a hand slowly letting go of mine as we said our goodbyes. i watched you walk off into the dark as we went our way. when the last time you see someone becomes the last time, you begin to pick apart every single moment, looking for signs. clues. a warning sign. something to make you start paying attention to more last times with everyone else in your life.

your strength helped us all through so much. you were there, by my mom's side, helping her get through the days that followed when we lost our dad. you made the decisions. you answered the questions. you handled it all when none of the rest of us could. and for that i will forever be grateful. and for that i will forever regret never thanking you for. strong as a bulldog. stern, but caring. possessing one of the biggest hearts i've ever been exposed to.

my favorite memory of you was from twenty years ago when i was staying with you for the weekend. you were telling me a scary story about something and then excused yourself to go to the restroom. the next thing i knew i saw a face looking in at me through the kitchen window. you scared the crap out of me. i never ran from a room so fast in my entire life. i haven't since. your laugh reminded me of grandma's, your mom's, at that moment. and she lived on in you for the twenty years that followed that night.

i'm thankful that we've had the past couple year's worth of sundays, once a month, to see you. it's meant a lot to me. and i know that you've helped my mom get through a great deal. i was just hoping to have a few more sundays to share with you. we've had more than we ever used to, when i was younger, but that's never really enough.

i know you had a long, rich and full life. you loved and you were loved. you laughed a lot. you made us all laugh too. and the desire to keep you with us longer is purely a selfish one. you've been sick for a while now. a stroke that you somehow bounced back from when you weren't given much of a chance. then the cancer that never really seemed to bring you down. and now what looks to be the heart attack that took you from us. i know you were in a lot of pain, even if you didn't let the rest of us see it. and i should be thankful that all of your pain and suffering has come to an end, but i really will miss you. and i just wish that i would have had the chance to say some of this to you. to say goodbye. but i guess it's just another one i'm left with saying in my head. i've had too many of those.

a close call

so i see this woman in a motorized cart and she appears to be wedged in the back corner of the room. i look at E and whisper, "is she stuck?" she called her grandson over to her and i was convinced she was tying a little note around his neck, much like one would with a carrier pigeon. except with those rats with wings i think people tie notes to the leg rather than the neck. i guess if you tied it to the neck it would blow off in flight. or perhaps fly up and hit the bird in the eye. thus causing it to die. thus defeating the purpose of sending the little guy off to help you. i mean he would end up being the one who needed help and then where would that leave you? i mean really. anyway, i think i may have run off course. i was convinced she was sending the little scamp off for help.

"dear kind sir or madam,
if you find this please follow my sweet little angel of a
grandson back to me. for i am on a motorized cart and i seem to have found
myself wedged into a corner.

thanks a bunch,
lady on cart."

(i'm sure that's what her note would have said)

but upon further inspection it appeared she was just taking a little break. guess all that driving around made her dizzy or something. good thing i did what i normally do in a situation like that, pretend not to notice her. otherwise i would have looked like a fool rushing off to her aid.

because i really am that boring..

(after getting our ticket stubs torn and directions from the usher)
me: she gave me better directions than she gave you.
jules: that means either she thinks i'm a bitch, or you look like you need a little more help with things.
me: (laughing)
jules: i think she thinks i'm a bitch, most people do.
me: i think she thinks i'm slow. "he's obviously too stupid to be trusted to follow her, so i must tell him exactly where to stop and turn".

concession chick: can i interest you in a candy combo.
jules: no thank you.
concession chick: blah blah combo blah.
me: nope.
jules: maybe we should have said yes?
concession chick: (being snotty) it would have been cheaper.
me: except that what we ordered isn't part of the combo.
jules: (laughing)
me: so i'm not really sure how that would have worked for us. at all.
jules: (looking at sign)
me: see, our stuff is not on that.
jules: you're right.
me: that little bitch was lying to us.
us: (seeing add on the screen)
me: see, not what we wanted.
jules: what was she talking about?
me: i'm gonna ask to speak with a manager.

jules: (looking at my black bracelet) did you join the kabbalah?
me: yes, and i changed my name to esther.
jules: just not part of the red bracelet faith?
me: they were out.

had an odd diet of movies this weekend. friday was a cinderella story. some chad michael murray hottness. saturday was the whole ten yards. no comment. and the trip. loved it. a gay beaches if you will. except the two leads got it on, unlike bette and barbara. and sunday was the village. good movie. m. knight's lamest twist ever. but a good movie. maybe the fact that paulie called the twist three weeks ago ruined it for me, i dunno. something just isn't sitting right with me on that one. then it was the fluffer. not bad. not great. but not bad. followed by episode one of the playmakers. yeah, i'm not really sure what that selection was all about either. hopefully this week will bring me a little napoleon dynamite and garden state action. not to mention 13 going on 30 on dvd.

and can i just say, yay to big brother! hopefully by the end of the week diane will send one of the four jackasses horsemen packing.