[tuesday]

made my way to the country club for our holiday party. not really sure what holiday we were celebrating, but happy january 11th to everyone. hope it found everyone well. anyway, i walked in and the room was filled. i of course stood in the doorway for 30 seconds looking for my peeps. 30 seconds that translates to at least 12 minutes when you feel as if you're on display in a museum. i swear i heard a hush fall over the crowd as every eye found its way to me while i was looking for my table. just when i decided to just give up and leave and call lisa from the lobby i spotted liz. so i hauled it to the table and sat down. lisa was as insane as ever. i love to whisper things to her and then have her scream them out to everyone. we're such a good team like that. dinner was dinner. i won a gourmet coffee maker. and then the lushes made their way to the dance floor. the music was so loud and bad, and by bad i mean sung by professional mullet sporters, that we had to scream at the people at our own table just to be heard. at one point i leaned over to lisa and asked, "is janitor evil doing the robot?" she informed me that no, that was just how he danced. everyone was taking pictures so i decided to take some pictures with my phone, not wanting to feel left out. every shot i took of lisa was blurry with lights all around her head. she said it reminded her of the movie white noise. she then yelled to our table that i took her picture and dead people were floating around her head. she asked debbie if she wanted to see it. debbie shook her head and said, "you have pictures of dead people? i don't wanna see that." we laughed pretty hard at how scared she looked. we're mean like that. dennis was drunk as usual but this year he didn't wear his napkin as a loincloth and do a lap dance on me, unfortunately, like he did two years ago. four seriously drunk women asked me to dance. as appealing as their flammable breath invitations were, i declined. i went to the restroom while everyone else made their way to the bar. when i came out D insisted that i join them for one drink. i told her i'd take a midori sour, and the bartender said they could do that. he looked around a bit and then asked the other girl for a flashlight. patrick was laughing at me and said, "you know it's good stuff if they have to use a flashlight to find it because it's buried so far in the back!" i think i saw the bartender wipe some cobwebs from it as he pulled it out of its guarded tomb. oh well it was good, so i guess that's what matters. we went back to the table and continued to play our drinking game. it was called, "let's rip apart everyone on the dance floor." i think my favorite part of the evening went down at the dessert table...

me: is that peanut butter on that cake?
D: it looks like it.
me: or is it butterscotch?
D: looks like peanut butter.
me: try it.
D: peanut butter (licking finger she just stuck in cake)
me: sweet.
D: not bad.
me: you got cheesecake AND peanut butter cake?
D: yes i did.
me: oh, because you stuck your finger in that one?
D: ew, no. i left that one on the table.

after all that, it was caramel.