[untitled]

lisa: hey that's not you!
me: i know. i mugged an old lady and took her purse.
lisa: gasp.
me: because it matched my shoes.
lisa: well it's all about accessorizing.

-----

me: if i won a million dollars i'd split it with you.
lisa: yeah, right.
me: i would.
lisa: maybe if you won the million dollar man.
me: i'd spilt him too. you could have the top half.