flip-flops were not a good idea

as i hit end on my cell and took off down the road to meet up with B i thought to myself, "i really don't feel like going out tonight." then i thought, "how old have i become that a night in, alone, is preferred to going out and being crazy?"

later on, as the night was winding down, i felt a shift in how things could be between us. there didn't have to be an end to us, just an end to who we used to be. i was okay with that, happy even. clarity comes in the most random of places.

then i looked down at the speedometer to make sure we were still going 35 since the city was crawling with cops. then i looked up at B's car in front of me to make sure he was still within sight. the next few minutes passed by in what felt like two seconds. i saw lights appear behind me from out of nowhere. i heard a loud pop. i attempted to think, "WTF?", but only got "what the..." out. my car spun around twice as i tried my best to get the breaks to work, without much luck. i felt the tilt to one side and resigned myself to the fact that the car was about to tip over. it didn't, and no one was really sure how that was possible. i've never really had anything that scary happen to me before.

an hour later, as we were standing in the cold as it started to rain, we waited for a tow-truck to arrive. once again B took on the roll of the white knight, asking all the obvious questions that i was unable to ask. i was still in shock. i had a hard time wrapping my mind around the thought of someone slamming into me, hard enough to send me spinning, at twice the speed that i was going with a car that was half the size of mine. i thought about how minutes earlier B was yelling at me to get back out of the street as i made my way to the car that slammed into me. B was worried that i was going over to let the guy have it, when i was just attempting to get his license plate number in case he took off. the guy just sat in his seat, wasted, unable to talk or answer anyone that was talking to him. i walked back over to my car and stood there with B, waiting. i looked down at my wet feet and the water that seemed to be crawling up the bottom several inches of my pants and said to B, "clearly flip-flops were not the smartest choice for this evening."

a lot of good stuff took place in the middle of all that. it's all a little hard to focus on at this point. but maybe that's for the best. maybe the important parts are what stand out. from 3am riding in B's car listening to fountains of wayne, to this morning when i was telling the story again to the insurance people, it all seemed more like a dream than anything else. i was reliving someone else's reality though a story i was telling.

we had a reconnection of sorts. i fell in love with the past. felt good about certain choices. saw someone as the person they are, or the person they've become, rather than the object of my affection. laughed, shared, got a little more below the surface in understanding the people we've both become.

i liked it when he said, "there comes a time when you have to stop worrying so much about everyone else and start living your life how you want to live it. people don't care about what you're doing or what you are half as much as you worry they do." then he smiled and said, "but i don't have to tell you that. you get that."

i thought to myself, that yeah i do get that, first the first time in my thirty years i really do.