hot chocolate

i'm not sure how we ended up under that bridge, down by the water. the merry band of misfits, misfit toys, something like that. my attempts at being less awkward. my newfound sense of high self-esteem that you said suited me so well. you, the first time out of your house actually doing things at night with friends. ms. k was there simply because we were the only two without curfews at seventeen. and D, the on again off again chase that was our senior year. best friends who became more who became so much less. i regret everything about the turns our relationship took. i was still trying to figure out who i was, and none of that ever should have involved you. the irony of it all was that i was sorting through everything with him there with me. i guess i was transferring all that i felt for him onto D. trying to make D, in my mind, everything that he wasn't. i'd spend my days angry with D for what we didn't have, what i thought i wanted. and then at night all i could do was think about rob. what a joke.

so there we were under the bridge in the dark, listening to the train rumble by, above our heads. me in my black leather biker jacket and fake glasses. forever cursing my 20/20 vision, jealous of all my other friends who wore glasses. the steep incline of the concrete as we tried to make our way up it. sliding back down, tearing open the palm of my right hand. laughing at how stupid the four of us were. eventually we ended up back in a car, i don't remember which one of us drove. but we found a cute boy at a stop light and decided to follow him around town. we lived in such a small town that when a random cute stranger popped up i guess it wasn't something you wanted to let slip away. he eventually caught on to us as his black jeep began to speed up. we refused to let him go as we ran a red light to keep up with him. of course he was going to the new under 21 dance club that opened up in the strip mall that fall. we found ourselves brave enough to get out of the car and walk up to him to find out more about him. i asked him what he was drinking from his thermos, "hot chocolate" he answered. we laughed and walked away.

it was inevitable for us to be let down by the moment when we actually got to talk to him. the mystery of who he was and excitement of what would come of our encounter could never live up to what we anticipated as we chased after him.

when friendships end it's the stupid random stories like that that you find yourself holding onto.

hurricane . mindy smith