rockstar party v.2.0

sometimes i feel as if we have entirely too much history between us. i sometimes get overwhelmed by it all and feel like running as far away from them as i possibly can. knowing a person from five to thirty isn't always such an amazing thing. i see her hand where i want mine to be. thirteen years is a long time to have a crush on someone. three weeks apart and i feel like a lifetime has passed. maybe it's just a progression of all the years and she really is becoming more of a stranger and less of a best friend. maybe we never really were the great friends that our minds and memories have tricked us into believing that we are. i've loved them all for several different reasons and at several different times. we come and go so much from one anothers' lives, sometimes the revolving door brings us back stronger than we were, and sometimes i'm left feeling like something huge is missing. maybe it's so easy to quit them and simply walk away because i know in my heart that it's not real. a week or a month or even a year will pass and we'll eventually make our way back to one another. the end isn't so much of an end, it's more of a pause.

we had a great time last night, i'm really glad i talked myself into going to the party. one hour before we left i was still undecided, and usually when that happens that means i won't go. the postal service and coldplay. watching cars and trees fly by as i looked out the window from the back seat. an insanely strong and over-mixed margarita. one, two, fifty beers. "is it warm in here?" "oh man i'm dying, i thought it was just me." nikki and i getting scolded for leaning up against P's car. kissing that married girl, yeah i have no idea. taking a million pictures. egging on the angry republican. ms. k and i deciding at 4am that we'd had enough so we found a nice little corner to pass out in, while the party carried on at our feet. waking up long enough to tell the angry republican that he was full of shit, and then going back to sleep. praying a silent prayer from the back seat, on the way home this time, that i wouldn't throw up all over his car. at least we didn't have to go through two huge bags of trash looking for my keys while hung over in the morning this year. the one thing that is puzzling is the fact that i woke up with my pants unbuttoned and my zipper was down. i'm pretty sure i didn't do that myself, so i'm wondering what drunk fool attempted to molest me in my sleep.