top that, top that

i have no words to express how happy i am at this very moment

memorial day

after successfully alternating between the twelve hour marathons of murder, she wrote and that's so raven i feel fairly confident that i can now figure out whodunit the next time someone is murdered in my little town AND get myself out of any pickle that me and my two best friends find ourselves in. looking good and saying, oh snnaaap, a lot of course. i heart raven so so much.

oh, and i had ice cream.

13 more days left on this little respite of mine. i'm beginning to go crazy looking at these four walls. i need some sunshine. but hey, i'm off work, like my life's so rough.

"my real name is stan lipschitz"

i may be the last remaining ALIAS fan who doesn't feel that the show has totally fallen apart. i've seen every episode from day one, and i even made it through all of season three, which seemed to take way too long to find its way. i still can't jump on the i hate ALIAS bandwagon. i loved this season. so much of it was a throw back to the better parts of seasons one and two. i love how insane it is that our hero sets out to save the world, and she just happens to fight the baddies with her father, mother, sister, and boyfriend in tow. i also love that the baddies just happen to be her aunt, and the father of her sister. i mean c'mon, how crazy is that? but it works and i love it.

and last night's season ender did not let me down, at all. i was on the edge of my seat for most of the episode (after slowly being rocked to sleep by the pacing of the two hour LOST finale). don't get me wrong, i heart LOST so, but to be honest it was really 110 minutes of nothingness and the ten minutes of intensity. seriously creepy and messed up intensity. but anyway, back to ALIAS. i loved not knowing how it was going to turn out, or who would even survive the last hour of season four. i mean major characters die on that show all the time, true they don't always stay dead, but they die and that's the point. i heard rumors that spy-sis and spy-boyfriend might not be that major players in season five. who knew which derevko sister would walk away at the end, if either. things like that kept me guessing from start to finish. i loved the return of richard from felicity who started out the season as syd's new partner. i was holding my breath when marshall called home to speak with his wife carrie, hoping for just the smallest glimpse of amanda foreman (meghan from felicity), but sadly no. the creepy zombies much like the ones from 28 days later, the ominous red glow, the derevko show down...i loved it all. and the last two minutes prove that j.j. abrams will forever be the master at messing with the heads of his fans.

spoilage: rach, this means you, you were warned.

true seeing syd and vaughn in the car driving down the coast had me a little worried at first. you rarely see anyone driving on tv without the outcome being a car accident. no one just drives from A to B on tv, they just get places. if they are in a car, it can't be good. but the scene was so long that i got sucked into the dialogue and i forgot about that nagging little feeling in the back of my mind. as vaughn begins to tell syd that the majority of what she knows about the man she loves is all a lie my mouth dropped. and his name isn't even michael vaughn! i did not see that coming. and before i could recover from that, a car comes out of nowhere and slams into them. fade to black. all i could do was yell, "what?!?", at the screen. i got chills, my eyes watered, and my heart started beating a little faster. then i thought, "now that's how you leave people hanging." i couldn't ask for a better ending, or for a better arc to start of season five. wow.

my only hopes for season five are: more spymommie, more sark, the overdue return of will, an explanation of the missing two years, and working the harvesting of syd's eggs, from season three, into the storyline. that would help with the whole real life pregnancy of jenny g. oh, and doing something, ANYthing with amanda foreman and tangi miller would be welcomed any day.

july 20th

+



x



= me peeing my pants all night long.

thanks for the heads up you!

in dreams

sunday night i had the creepiest dream. looking back on it now, i'm not really sure what made it so creepy. but i did have a hard time shaking myself out of the dream and i remember waking up seriously wigged out. i was dreaming about LOST as if it were more reality, less fictional tv. and in my dream i came to the conclusion that the inhabitants of the island were stuck inside of some sort of an alternate reality. they weren't really on the island, and they had a real counterpart existing some place else. in order for them to escape the island time had to line up in a specific location and then the real them had to reach through a tear in time and pull the island them back to reality. as i explained my theory to an unseen person they then told me the same thing carried through to ALIAS, and was equally as true. maybe that would explain all the craziness of the "sloane cloane", yes that's how i'm spelling it, and the ups and downs of this season. the person that i was telling this to then explained that the same was true for my very own reality. then i found myself looking at myself asleep in my bed. at the foot of my bed was another version of me with my arm stretched out on the bed, reaching out to the sleeping me. seeing the one version of me crouched down at the foot of my bed scared the crap out of me. it was like a flashback to twin peaks days with creepy bob in laura's room. anyway, i was freaking and the dream state that i was in felt so heavy, like i was stuck in a dense fog, that i had a hard time waking myself up. i finally woke up, sat up and looked at the foot of my bed, and had a hard time falling back to sleep. i attributed all of this to the pain medication that i've been on since my surgery, but it still creeped me out. i would have rather have dreamed about grey's anatomy and the sight of dorky/hot georgie shirtless.

while i'm lucid

my sister was in town on her whirl-wind tour, just like evita. we ate lots of ice cream, watched felicity twice a night, hung curtains and blinds, and enjoyed our week. we took the mom to see monster-in-law on mother's day, nothing in the way of ground-breaking cinema but not as bad as roeper & the fatman would lead you to believe. i laughed a lot, mostly at wanda sykes. i have a feeling jane fonda wasn't really acting much. saw a lot like love. i LOVED that movie. amanda peet being amanda peet, i leaned over to my sister after one scene and asked her how she could still hate amanda peet after that. she said it was easy. wednesday i finally got my car back, thursday was my surgery, so i haven't been able to drive it to see if it's okay. ten days off somehow turned into a month. hey, i'm not complaining. but today is day four of laying around doing not much of anything and i'm starting to feel like i'm losing my mind. so we'll see. i find something to watch on tv, then suddenly it's two hours later and i'm waking up with no memory of where the time went. or what i was even watching. i have watched an unhealthy amount of old episodes of the match game on GSN. charles nelson riley is my new hero. maybe that's just the percocet talking.

friday

in moving i've come to the conclusion that i officially have too much stuff. even worse, i can't figure out what to get rid of first. and by first i mean at all. i'm half tempted to sign myself up for TLC's clean sweep just to have someone do it for me. but then i'd be one of those annoying people that fights them the entire way, refusing to part with anything. and then they'd realize that they only reason i really signed myself up was in the hopes of being the lucky meat in an eric and angelo sandwhich.

my sister will be here in the morning for her week long visit. i know, just in time for felicity's senior year on WE, i was thinking the same thing.

and my two new favorite words: medical leave. looks like i'll be having some unscheduled, paid, time off from work beginning at the end of next week. true it will involve some minor surgery, but it's paid time off from the place i've come to fear the most. in the back of my mind i'm making all these mini lists of things to do with all my free time, when in reality it will probably just be me sitting on my butt reading and watching tv.

i still don't have my car back. boo hiss.

lover i don't have to love . bright eyes

beautiful sorta

i love you, you crazy...

messy haired
straight from the wine bottle chugging
harmonica playing(sigh)
la cienega singing
glasses wearing
country rocker


what a great night. ryan adams was amazing. so so good. i was worried that the build up in my mind over all these years would never live up to the reality, but i'm glad i was wrong. the country spin that he put on many of his upbeat songs, thanks to the cardinals, was interesting. when he announced that a song trains, from his new cd that will be out in august, as being a little bit kunnntry and he was okay with that, that made me laugh. and as i head the first few notes of la cienega just smiled kick in, i melted. i couldn't help but smile. i grabbed for the phone, too a crappy picture, and sent it along to jen. i needed to pay her back for all the matt nathanson goodness she sent my way a week earlier. and i knew that she digs ryan as much as i do. i couldn't help but think of her rendition of come pick me up as he used it to close his show. he sang almost every song you'd ever want to hear live. he played for about 90 minutes with the band. when they took a break did he another 30 minutes alone jumping from acoustic guitar to piano.

some of my favorite parts of the night were:

when a picture of ryan flashed on the screen as we were waiting for the opening act to come out. lisa sighed and said, "please don't tell me you like him because you think he's pretty." i laughed and told her to just wait, she'd see that i loved him for his songs.

some ass yelled out to rachael yamagata, the opener, that she looked like a baby michelle branch. she then yelled back that he looked like a dick she once dumped. i loved that. she was good too, but she sounds a little better on her cd.

as we parked lisa reached in the back seat for something and it appeared that her head lunged into my lap. i love the whiplash it gave to the guy who was passing by, talking on his cell. we laughed pretty hard when i told her about it.

and i loved it when ryan was doing his acoustic bit on stage. some ass near the front was talking, so ryan abruptly stopped and apologized to the guy for being so rude for interrupting his conversation with an annoying song. it was the best thing i think i've ever seen, on stage. everyone laughed and applauded him for it.

i came home still bouncing off the walls at 2am. we had so much fun.

dear chicago

her: i hate how you act like i can't sing.
me: trust me, there's no acting involved.

her(singing): you're so strange, i bet you think this song is about you.
me: (rolling eyes )
her: that was you're so vain.
me: no really? you disguised it so cleverly i couldn't tell.

the rental car no longer just smells like vomit, it's begun to smell like old man as well. we're talking nursing home old man. i'm almost afraid to open the trunk.

23 hours until ryan adams! i realize i'm tempting fate by talking about it so much but it's all i can think about. after years of loving him, i finally get to see him tomorrow night. my only hope is to hear la cienega just smiled live, just once in my life. i know it's a longshot, but a boy's gotta have dreams.

and this should be a post all on its own, but amy and ephram are really over on everwood?!? last night's episode was so good. i was blown away by amy. the scene when she realized that she had misread the whole "date", wow, it was as if you could see her letting him go with her eyes. she's coming close to keri russell status with the whole, breaking your heart with a look rather than using words sort of thing. and seriously, when will bright ever get another storyline?

and seriously, veronica, how evil are you? at one point i swear you had devil horns last night on the inferno II. you must really suck if you can make train-wreck tonya look sympathetic.

fragile tough girl . jo davidson

sunday

met up with jules for our monthly lunch and a movie. so monthly that we haven't been able to do it since january, so i'm glad we were both finally free at the same exact moment.

the interpreter was good. i liked it a lot. catherine keener is so good in it, so funny, that you wish her part was bigger than five lines long. why can't she star in a movie? i heart her so. walking and talking is still one of my top 10 favorites ever. and while i wasn't as blown away by lovely and amazing, she was brilliant in it. especially when she says to her sister, "someone should tell her to fuck off." i laughed so hard at the sincerity of that moment.

the olive garden was bad. something was very very wrong with our waiter. he seemed very frightened by his surroundings. i think some major drama was going down in the kitchen. servers were yelling at one another, people kept dropping glasses. i was a bit worried. it seems when jules and i dine together we have this uncanny knack of opening up the hellmouth at whatever restaurant we pick. next time i'm packing my own lunch and eating in the car.

i hate my rental car. i hate the way it looks. i hate the way it smells. i hate that the smell follows me on my clothes as i go about my day. i think it's supposed to smell clean or new, but to me it just smells like vomit. i hate that it doesn't have a cd player. i hate that it's not my car. and i hate that fucker who hit me. i keep thinking about the accident every time i get in the car. i can't shake the feeling that i'm about to get hit again every time i cross a road or turn a corner. i passed my car today, sitting in the lot, waiting to be fixed. it looked so sad and broken. my back and neck are both still kinda sore.

this week i plan on returning to the treadmill, now that i'm finally done with the big move. i get to see ryan adams on wednesday night. and lil' sis comes on saturday.

then away i crawl

i love my witty moments. when i say, i'm in. it will do absolutely nothing for me, but i'm in. and you smile. your smile that could somehow make a blind person weak in the knees. then you touch my arm. your laugh makes me laugh. and then i remember a thousand moments all at once. you get me, and you get to me, unlike anyone else. even when i didn't want you to. even when i lied and said you didn't know me at all.

boys at war, the best and worst of 1984.

you don't have any idea what it's like to not be you. seeing you from across the room. what it's like to just be around you. what it's like to know you. to have you in one's life for so long. over twenty years. you're hard to run from. a one man cheering section. i hate how you pretend i'm more talented than i truly am, but i love you for it all the same. i love how you instinctively know that special by garbage is a must play on the juke box no matter where we are.

i hate how life is far too much like an episode of my so-called life or felicity. how the people that are meant to be together sadly aren't. how a heart can be broken by a simple thing such as seeing a hand hold another. another that isn't yours. the same circle kept us bumping into one another when that was the last thing i wanted.

i know it's a waste of time to canonize you, when you're nothing more than just a boy. a boy who breaks your heart and makes your day all in the same breath. and at the end of the day, no matter how many times i quit you or start you, no matter what version of us we're on, you will simply always be you. the boy who was my first friend. the boy who was my first love.

we work how we work. it might not necessarily be the way that i wanted us to, but the fact that we do is something that i should stop taking for granted.

your love means everything, part 2 . faultline ft. chris martin

mary katherine

i'm as wicked gay as the porn star, err day is long, just ask my darling nakita. but i cannot tell you how much i'm in love with this woman right here...



ANYone who reads her knows that she needs little validation from me, but still. i heart, heart, heart her so. perhaps it's all the pics, i'm not sure. but nights are spent dreaming of her.



and i cannot even tell you how much i love this quote so:

"adam's wisdom: the rule in internet dating is round down. and if you can't see his arms in the picture, he doesn't have any."

i love. love. love. that.

if you are not reading her daily i have only one question for you, what the hell is wrong with you?