"the grinch is totally into you."

i can't really pick one favorite moment from last night's halloween costume party. G suddenly going blind in her right eye, then realizing in her drunken stupor that her contact popped out of her eye and she wasn't in fact going blind. the sight of B and nikki1 crawling around on the floor looking for her belly button ring, which also mysteriously popped out. the hottest hugest bartender i've ever seen in my life remembering me and what i was drinking, but not G who tipped him $20 at the start of our night. yeah, she was pissed. and she let him know as such when we were taking pictures of him at the end of the night. me falling in love with the hot guy in the kilt, then the gladiator, the scuba guy, the cop... G talking to the sad guy in the corner who looked like he just wanted to end it all. the cab ride home, making friends with the two other people who actually called the cab that we hijacked. i guess we deserved the hour long car ride back to G's that should have only taken five minutes. double-fisting our drinks so we didn't have to stand in the insanely long line. the interesting mix of music, ACDC to ABBA to kanye west, yeah i have no idea. the scary he/she grinch that was either trying to get me to dance or was doing some sort of mating ritual, it seriously freaked me out. G kept laughing and point him/her out for the rest of the night. me attempting to walk across the room with three drinks in my hand while some crazy girl was grinding on my like will ferrell from a night at the roxbury. me holding my breath while peeing, and trying not to puke, in the bathroom that reeked of vomit. trying not to laugh, thus inhaling, every time a new guy walked into the bathroom and yelled,"sick it smells like puke in here!" i wanted a new halloween party experience, and i must say i got one.

tonight

it's a cruel world, and i am a lucky boy...

10.18

today's your birthday. i'm here, you're there, and the space between is enough to kill. i guess it makes sense that you've been on my mind so much lately. i hope you're well. i hope you've found happiness. normal. calm. and i hope your friends are forcing you to celebrate, because i know how much you hate this day. i hate feeling like nicole kidman in cold mountain when she's thinking about jude law and begging him, across the miles, to "return to me". but i do, even though i know it's impossibly hopeless that you will. happy birthday you.

this is how a heart breaks

jules and i checked out Elizabethtown today, wow. heartbreakingly good is the best way to describe it. it's the kind of movie that sticks with you long after you've left the darkness of the theater behind you. driving down the road, thinking of a scene and smiling, you realize how much the movie really got to you. i loved the way it ended. the scrapbook, the driving mixes. i wanted all of that to be real, i wanted to hold them in my hand. i knew going in that it had the potential to make us both tear up, a movie about the death of a father and all. but i wasn't expecting to have to bite down on my lower lip in an effort to keep from sobbing. the flashbacks were the hardest, she cried and i finally gave in and let a tear or two fall down my face. touching, sweet, quirky, genuine and honest. i wanted to see it again the second it ended, just to watch their relationship unfold a second time.

i loved this movie.

you don't know how lovely you are

sometimes amiee mann's "the scientist" can send your head spinning, like far more than coldplay ever could. good or bad, nothing or everything in between i have no idea. the fact that it's adam's song makes me hate it and love it all the same. yes, gentle readers, we all know that i have no one but myself to blame for adam 2004. but hey, thanks for pointing that out to me and all that jazz.

i love you and hate you, and all that exists in between. that makes me right and wrong, and again all that falls between all that gooey mess. i gave you what i thought you wanted, i gave you what i knew you needed, and i gave you what i so did not want you to have. all that and in between and such...

years and years and years, all ending in that one night. that one night a million years ago. that one night almost one year ago tonight. it's funny how time and space and all that in between tends to mess with your head, and your concept of time and space and all that. i miss and love and want all of that in between. the space between, how lame, how dave matthews of us. but i said that was you and us and all that, and you went with it. that was you, always you, always nodding and smiling and all that. just going along with me and my newest/latest madness. and you were just you, smiling and accepting me and all that i was. ever pretending to be the crazy one. always knowing that it was never you, and always me.

that night, that one night a million years ago. wrong name, wrong place, wrong age... trust issues and all that. was there anything else to really even lie to you about? you, ever forgiving, ever accepting. you, ever you. my heart breaks and swells at the thought and the memory of you and all that you were. and are.

hey guess what? this is me, this is me fucking up. ever new, ever exclusive to you. this is me making the worst of a good situation. you tried. you bent. you changed. you quit. you gave up. you were ready to move all of what you were to adapt to this and that and whatever. and i love, and i hate, and i...everything that exists in between for you and me and for what we are and were. saying goodbye is what we'd say was best. saying goodbye is what i hate the most. i think the hardest part is knowing that you're loving, existing, being you, and everything in between out there. and i have little or no say in that matter. i miss you enough to make a heart stop or cry, and that means nothing to you. i gave up any right to that the day i said goodbye, the day i walked away. i know i deserve little, or nothing, or anything at all. but that doesn't stop me from missing, longing, wondering, hoping and wishing and all that. i look and stare and dream at my stupid phone and all that and silently pray, as good as that does me, that you'll just dial those ten stupid random numbers, and one day this stupid shiny piece of black and silver plastic will eventually ring. one day, this day, some day, it will just ring. another chance. a fiftieth chance at hello, at re-start, at whatever we can be at this time. yeah, me and you and us and something like that. i miss you adam.

yeah, as little as that means to you. and as much as that means to me. i miss you.

if i wrote for EW

how i met your mother
grade = A-
the good = this show makes me smile a lot. alyson hannigan (lily) is at her best, smart like willow but funny like band camp girl. and i have a mini crush and ted (josh radnor).
the bad = lose the laugh track, this show is smart like arrested development and scrubs, the people who watch it don't need to be told when to laugh. and it wouldn't hurt to dump the lame bob saget voice-overs and story hour with the kids at the start of each episode.


my name is earl
i had no desire to watch this show at all. i watched it because nothing else was on and this show kicked my ass, in a good way.
grade = A-
the good = jaime pressley's over-the-top camp, jason lee at his smug best, the concept, randy the side-kick, the jokes, the writing.
the bad = this oddball humor makes me miss scrubs that much more, and has me wondering why joey is still on the air. episode 2 really wasn't as hilarious as the first one and that has me nervous.


invasion
grade = C
the good = eddie cibrian. especially all shirtless and wet in last week's effort. and the sight of him crawling into bed had me forgetting where i was for a moment.
the bad = far too many, what the hell is going on here?, moments have this show trying too hard to recapture the magic of Lost but wind up leaving the people who have seen every episode too confused. i want to like you, really i do but you need to give me something to work with, and something to want to come back for. and no eddie's dimples really aren't enough. honestly if there was something else for me to watch on wednesdays at 10 you wouldn't have lasted this long.


reunion
grade = C-
oh reunion, you were the one new show that actually had me counting down the days until your premiere.
the good = will (will estes), and i gotta be honest that's pretty much it. i do like young carla, but i laugh at her version of an adult. the way she delivers her lines shouldn't have me laughing this hard.
the bad = the acting, aside from will. the dialogue. yes i know it's 1996, 7... please stop bashing me over the head repeatedly with this information. i still have a hard time telling samantha and carla apart, and at this point i kinda don't even care. and honestly, why would ANY of them be friends with craig? every episode just falls a little flat. this was such a cool concept, i know it could work in the right hands.

i left my heart in berkeley springs

i spent 20 of the last 88 hours in the car. i don't really remember how to stand and the price of gas really sucks. friday morning my mom and i headed kinda south but mostly eastish to visit my sister in virginia. friday we caught up, ate, did a little wine shopping and then watched a bunch of tv. i heart the soup so i forced my sister to watch it, we ended up laughing so hard we were crying. i think sleep deprivation may have played some part. saturday we got up early, had breakfast and then headed south, again, to williamsburg. i got to play dj on the ride down selecting the songs on the old nomad. i've said it before but i still firmly believe that every road trip must be accompanied by listening to tori amos' "a sorta fairytale" just once. the people who work in the town are for the most part pretty nice, but the tourists and some of the people who live there are some of the biggest bitches i've ever come in contact in my life. if you're from there and you are in fact not a bitch, my apologies. by sunday my patience was wearing very thin and when some lady pushed my mom out of her way i may or may not have implied that the lady had a huge butt. and by implied i mean i in fact said something like "if her butt wasn't so wide maybe she wouldn't have had to knock you out of the way to get through," loud enough for most of the store to hear me. aside from that the town was quaint and pretty and i longed to be 18 again and living on the william and mary campus. but i tend to get like and i have my class of '96 moment. i picture myself on that campus and i find myself drifting off and thinking about a different life. we spent the day sunday shopping at the outlet mall, having some ice cream, and then driving back to my sister's. we tried to kill ourselves with carbs at my favorite italian place in her town and then went home to watch some grey's anatomy. over the course of the weekend we ate so much, and walked so much, that i somehow ended up losing weight. go figure.