G's voicemail

J i just left you, a like a, super long message and at the very end of me leaving it, it said, "message erased blah blah blah" which totally sucks. i hate when that happens when you're done leaving a message and for some reason it just erases for absolutely no purpose whatsoever. um, got your text message, you bought me beer. you were supposed to be listening when i said i didn't want to drink. but, um, apparently i just wasn't listening to myself because i didn't eat all day and i had like, i don't know, maybe six beers at dinner and i'm like kinda drunk. i'm actually on a date right now, i'm following my boy back to his house. we went to red lobster and all is okay. you know i was kinda thinking that he was a little strange (giggle) but everything went okay. so, anyway... you are definitely right that we are way too cool to be spending new year's eve by ourselves so it's a good thing that we have one another to spend new year's with. um, we can be definitely the coolest two people on earth that really don't have real new year's plans. um, anyway... so let me know what time you want me over and then also i don't know where you live now 'cause i haven't been over to your new place, you'll have to give me some directionals. i think i might be stopping over at my grandma's house because apparently my dad and my grandma both know that i am a LOSER with absolutely no plans on new year's eve. so they have invited me over, i don't know why just me, but just me. and my dad and my step-mom and grandma and my great-aunt apparently have an annual tradition of spending new year's together, and this year they have invited me. um, so apparently they think that i'm the only person that is um, you know, under, oh i don't know, fifty years old that, um, has absolutely nothing to do for new year's. so i was thinking maybe, they're getting together at six, like six to midnight, so i was thinking maybe that i might run over there. so yeah, exciting stuff for me, yeah very exciting. and i know i'm sorta rambling, but you've left me lots of long messages and i am a drunk girl. and drunk girls leave long messages, rambling long messages, that's what they do. yeah i'm okay with leaving this long, long message. maybe you will find it amusing, although maybe you won't. i don't know, it's just one of those things. who knows if you will find it amusing or not. so i'm gonna hang up before it tells me that it's erasing my message again 'cause that totally sucks i was totally done talking...

(end of message)

another year

2004 found me with a broken heart. i guess you could say that in 2005 my body was broken. i had surgery in may and i spent the majority of the summer away from work, vegging out in my chair, gaining both weight and an appreciation for murder she wrote. even if my sister firmly believes that jessica fletcher had an insatiable hunger for murder and was secretly offing people and then framing innocent citizens of cabot cove, i found myself a fan for the first time. i also got caught up on every episode of that's so raven, the final season of angel and firefly.

ms. k and i spent most of 2005 drifting apart. bruised egos and several misunderstandings found us not really liking one another very much. but by november we found ourselves making an effort to get things back on track. i do miss her, and i miss ms. b as well. being sick for so long really put a strain on my friendship with them so i hope that 2006 will mean better days for us.

G and i grew closer. in october she said, "i wish our group of friends was fun and wanted to go out for halloween dressed up as something similar. hell i wish we actually had a group of friends we actually liked being around." i think with so much free time on my hands this summer i was able to look at what i really had. i guess that's why i began making some changes when it came to the people i spent my free time with. like i told jules in december, you can only go so long being the only one making all of the effort. one day you just wake up too tired, to worn out to even care any longer and then you move on. and usually you're better off in the end.

thanks to msn, i spent many a drunken weekend night getting to know my dear rach even better. i can't count the number of felicity and alias episodes that i ruined for her, but i exposed her to damien rice and james blunt so i hope that made up for it. in 2004 she sent me an email telling me that everything was going to be okay, so here's hoping that one day in 2006 it finally will. i'm not sure if the fact that we're so much alike means that i'm less of a freak than i previously thought, or that you're more of a freak than you ever thought possible...but i'm glad that we've formed a pretty cool friendship in spite of all the distance that exists between us.

thanks to our camera phones, i found myself waking up several mornings to find pictures from concerts thanks to the adorable jen. i only made it to ryan adams and matt nathanson this year so i wasn't able to fully keep up my end of things. here's hoping 2006 finds her in ohio visiting her sister so i can take her out and get her drunk. i mean, we're all about the boozes after all.

and then there's kia. she still puts up with me after all this time. she forever tries to make me a better gay man, but to be honest she will always be far more gay and more of a man than i ever will. but i love her dearly, even if she makes me crazy always telling me that i'm wrong and she's right. thank you for this, and thank you for your friendship, i heart you hardcore. at the very least 2006 will eventually find me closer to her when i visit my sister, after the move.

happy new year, here's hoping this coming year will be better than the last.

movies '05

theater:

constantine
the upside of anger
hostage
the ring 2
the interpreter
a lot like love
monster-in-law
mr. and mrs. smith
batman begins
bewitched
war of the worlds
the fantastic 4
the wedding crashers
charlie & the chocolate factory
the island
must love dogs
the dukes of hazzard
40 year-old virgin
the exorcism of emily rose
in her shoes
waiting
elizabethtown
jarhead
rent
chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch & the wardrobe
cheaper by the dozen 2
the family stone
munich
rumor has it


rented:

de-lovely
a home at the end of the world
without a paddle
meet the fockers
vanity fair
wicker park
wimbledon
the motorcycle diaries
first daughter
i heart huckabees
raise your voice
p.s.
team america: world police
enduring love
kinsey
life aquatic with steve zissou
the aviator
imaginary heroes
the woodsman
elektra
fascination
the wedding date
hitch
dot the i
millions
melinda and melinda
guess who?
fever pitch
mysterious skin
crash
layer cake
the sisterhood of the traveling pants
high tension
my summer of love
the perfect man
happy endings
deuce bigalow: european gigolo
8mm2
the baxter
heights

today was our movie marathon filled with our christmas standards: yogi's first christmas, scrooged, christmas vacation and of course a christmas story on tbs. we polished off elf and the muppet family christmas the other day. right now i'm watching a little christmas eve on sesame street, i know how gay, but i haven't seen it since i was ten or so.

yesterday we made a quick trip to the mall. this year i let my sister deal with the stress of driving all of us. i did it all last year and let's just say i wasn't the nicest person by our fourth excursion. we hit up luigi's for some awesome pasta and salad that's overloaded with cheese. after that we stopped by my aunt's to hang out with her for a couple of hours. she told me that when i was four she used to tell people that she had no idea how i'd ever last one day in school, i guess i was a holy terror as a child. she said that it was hard to believe that i'd grow up to be so shy and quiet. i just said i got it all out of my system early on. i guess my sister was the exact opposite. quiet, shy, and afraid of everyone. and now she's the one who talks enough for the both of us and can be heard a good block away. crazy.

while driving to my aunt's we somehow got on the topic of strip joints. as we passed one my mom said that it was the one that she was talking about. i asked her if she wanted us to drop her off but she said no. we then got behind a mini-van with vanity plates that had two old women inside. my sister and i came up with this story that their names were joanne and denise and they were lesbians, life long life partners. my mom just laughed at us. like my sister said at least we were entertaining. i said we have to make our own entertainment, and it's a lot cheaper than going to strip joints. our mom said her friends at work are always shocked by some of the things that she comes up with. she said that she usually just blames us and says that we're the ones who corrupted her.

(after switching to the third radio station playing the steamroller)

sis: do you have your xm?
me: nope.
sis: do you want to use mine?
me: do you carry it in your purse?
sis: yep. i feel it's never acceptable to tolerate crappy music.

yep, we're definitely related.

K: oh look, coming soon, gay cowboy movie. and Casanova.
me: double the heath ledger fun.
sis: gay cowboy movie and straight guy movie.
me: i don't think Casanova is a straight guy movie.
sis: haha, no but heath is straight in that one.

tonight's lighthearted holiday movie was Munich. it was excellent. heavy, nerve-wracking, hard to sit through, but excellent. after seeing daniel craig in Enduring Love, Layer Cake, and now this, i'm pretty sure the man never looks bad. is it wrong that while watching this movie i kept thinking how nicely he filled out a pair of jeans? i mean i got more out of the movie than that but honestly his butt was a bit distracting.

*update
when my mom called the asshat at the post office, who told her to call back in a day or so to check on her package; he informed her that, "it was hard to tell where the package was because he wasn't traveling along with it." are you serious? wow, now that's some amazing customer service.

USPS

so my mom mailed out two boxes, of equal size, to the relatives up north on saturday the 17th. both went out 2 day priority, with the promise that they'd be there by friday at the latest. i used UPS and mailed mine out on monday the 19th. one of her boxes and my UPS one both arrived on tuesday the 20th. as of 4 p.m. on friday the 23rd her other box still hasn't arrived. my mom's a nervous wreck, there's only one day left for it to get there and it doesn't look good. when she called the post office, after we looked online at the box's status, the clerk informed her..."well, i looked around, it's not here."

nice.

the united states postal "service", ruining christmas from coast to coast.

cookies, day three

(after my sister just scolded her boyfriend for trying to make the snowman he was decorating anatomically correct).

sis: i just need to put some balls on my tree.
me: you just yelled at him for doing that.
sis: different balls.

i attempted to turn my gingerbread people into the bluth family from arrested development, but after a minor icing mishap i kinda gave up. i was able to give one a hook hand and glasses just like buster, but none of the others really turned out. after three days of cookie making we are done.

tonight i met up with D for dinner and the exchanging of the gifts. she got me arrested development season 1, a kick ass framed picture for my bedroom, and some family guy stuff.

"piggy pudding? no they said figgy."

day two of making christmas cookies is almost wrapped up. there's something goofy and perfect about sitting at the table, rolling out balls while listening to john denver and the muppets sing christmas songs.

last night while playing dominoes my mom was complaining about having to lean so far out of her chair in order to be able to see the clock. she had to put her one clock away to make room for some decorations. i informed her that they now make clocks that you can wear on your arm. when she asked me why anyone would want to wear a clock on her arm we all lost it. after she too got the joke she told me not to be smart.

my sister's boyfriend then asked out loud how he could be so stupid, when he played the wrong domino. my sister raised her hand and said, "oh oh i know i know!" i just said, "do you want a list or should we just shout out things at random?" he said he wanted a different girlfriend for christmas with a more supportive family. we just looked at one another and shrugged.

"we're not perfect, but we're all we have"

my sister made it into town yesterday. today was the first of our annual christmas trips to the movies. today the family stone made its way into my top 5 for the year, i can see it becoming a new holiday tradition. so far we've successfully freaked out her boyfriend twice by saying the exact same random thing at the same time. and tonight the peter maxwell house christmas commercial made its first appearance, for us anyway. we were getting worried.

all is right with the world.

earl

when she called off again today, for the second time this week, D said, "well her back had better be broken, because if i find out it's not i'm breaking her head."

i love her for that.

anyway, she claimed that she was in the hospital because she fell on some ice and fractured her back. so D felt that it was her duty to call the three local hospitals to see if she truly was at one of them. yeah, not so much. at least we got a good laugh out of it, D calling around that is.

it hit me today, i work with earl, well the female version of earl, from nbc's my name is earl. and by female i mean she's more manlier than jason lee, but a wee less hairy. *her mustache doesn't count. her car breaks down, she almost kills people with her car when it is running, she has every disease known to man (i joke and say that she has an enlarged prostate), she works two jobs, owns two cars, and a house, buys & eats a bag of oreos a day, and yet she's always broke. this hurts, that's swollen, this part is numb, while another part is throbbing. she steals, she lies, she whines and she complains. and she is my daily does of hell. when i can't stand you, well then you know that you have a problem, because i'm the one at work who is known as the understanding one. the one with the most patience. the one who is nice to everyone. and my thoughts are, the bitch need to get outta my space. but anyway, i realized today that all the bad and negative stuff that she puts out there comes back to her twice as bad. and with that i stopped feeling sorry for her and came to the conclusion that everything bad that happens in her life she brings on herself. and people say you can't learn anything from tv.

i heart peter

today was the monthly lunch and a movie with jules thing. the cutest guy i've seen, at least since yesterday, held the door open for us at the theater. he was so cute that i almost followed him into his movie. but i didn't, and sadly i will never see that random cute stranger ever again. we saw The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe because it was jules' favorite book as a kid. she's been talking about seeing it all year, again because it was her favorite book ever. so half-way through the movie she leans over and whispers, "i don't remember any of this. now i'm pretty sure that i only read the front and back covers of the book, and none of that stuff in the middle." i love that she said that. the movie was great, i felt a little creepy as i was sitting there crushing on peter, but then i came home and found out he was eighteen so i feel a little better about it. i saw rick again at the restaurant, i swear he gets cuter every single time i see him. we spent the better part of two hours catching up and discussing all of our other friends while the snow kept coming down in heavier amounts. i love driving home in it, especially when i drive through the oldest part of town. the lights, the big old houses, i can almost trick myself into believing that i'm driving in the cleveland neighborhood where a Christmas Story took place. i'd never be able to stay sane if i lived somewhere that didn't ever get snow.

i got home and called my sister to complain about our mother buying herself the very same perfume that i bought her for christmas. she laughed and said that we used to get in trouble for buying something for ourselves so close to holidays and birthdays. i decided to just wrap it up anyway and then let her take it back and get another kind herself. i bought her other things and i have no idea what else to get her so that really is my only option. plus i really want to avoid another trip to the mall at all costs.

next weekend is min's wedding. i dread the three hour drive south, but it will be nice to be able to see everyone. the older i get i find that so many of my everyday friends have made the shift to wedding friends. i remember being eighteen and thinking that i wouldn't be able to survive without them in my life. but at thirty i've come to realize that i'm still alive, and just fine, even without some of them still around. i guess it's a little unrealistic to think that thirteen people can stay that close forever.

sark's back

oh Alias, well that's one way to make a lame season a little better.
now let's work on Will and SpyMommie shall we?

lucky like hurley

so nikki2 told me the other day that BOTH a seventeen-year-old girl and a forty-year-old married woman have a crush on me.

a) i have no idea how to process this information.
b) why can't just one of them be a dude?
c) i mean really.

the christopher theory

sometimes i think to myself, why can't meeting someone be more like how it is in a movie? there's that one defining moment. you meet, time stands still. you hear a choir singing. the sky opens up. you fall, love at first sight. but then i also think, we'll maybe it's not supposed to be like that. reality isn't scripted, unless we're talking about laguna beach, so maybe the perfect moments shouldn't be either. and then i looked up. and then i saw him standing there. and then he smiled. and then my heart stopped. and then time stood still. and i swear i heard music.