i don't know if i can do this.

and i don't know if it's just me doubting myself, as i always do, or if it's me knowing somewhere in the back of my mind that i'm just not capable of ever catching on. the lady who is training me to replace her told me today that she has no doubt that i can do this job. and while that was nice to hear, i can't help but feel that she's full of shit. how does she know when i don't even know?

however with all of the added stress, and all of the added work, i find myself leaving the place smiling more. crazy. it's nice to feel challenged, it's nice to feel excited about something, it's nice to actually use more than 10% of my brain for the first time in six years. so maybe i'm better off, in spite of my best efforts to convince myself otherwise. i'm definitely sure that i'm not sure about it...