i decided to get back to the land of the living. making plans, and sticking with the follow through. going out and doing, being. not just sitting, wishing, writing and reminiscing.

nothing huge or monumental has gone down. i wish there were exciting things to retell, to remember, to excuse, to explain exactly what i've been up to these days. sadly, that isn't the case. i'm still existing in my comfortable little nook in this universe. but if feels good to go out and be me again. the movies, the dinners, the parties, the drinks...and not the ones alone in the dark. i'd love to say that i was happy, but that would be a lie. happier covers it at least, without the slightest trace of a lie.

i still drive to work and feel the pull of the on-ramp to the expressway, just feet away from where i turn in for my building. i still want to just press the pedal down and start over in michigan, but it would be impossible to leave behind the reality that i can trick myself into forgetting about in my daydreams. so i stay. so i'm here. so i'm changing, tiny little fractures at a time. but it's a start at least. and i guess i'm okay with that, for now.

i've been sick, but i'm alive, so i guess i should stop feeling so damn sorry for myself. a month of melancholy is more than enough i think.

so where were we...