dear chris,

it's a well documented fact that i'm pretty oblivious when it comes to knowing when a guy is flirting with me, just ask nikki. i'm way too old and far too tired to be putting all of this energy into going out of my way to have a conversation with you on a daily basis if this isn't going to amount to anything. small talk is hard. so could you please just jump my bones, or at the very least ask me out, so i can put all of this wonder to rest. i would greatly appreciate it.

all the best,
J