the indians game. it was hot, soo hot. we walked a lot, much to G's dismay in her four inch heels. and they lost. i tripped on a sidewalk crack and almost took G out. then G tripped as we started across the street and almost knocked me down. G was sad because no one was drinking but her, beer and 92 degrees just don't mix with me. in fact i think i had heat stroke, whatever that may actually be. guess i wasn't paying attention during ninth grade health class. i head a headache, i came home took two pills and passed out. G almost killed a child, though she would have been completely justified. the "lil' fucker" (her words) kicked the back of the chair next to hers the entire game. her initial plan was to remove his shoe and toss it onto the field. by the end of the game she was ready to throw the child over.

H: it's kids giveaway day today.
me: sweet! we get a free kid?
H: i don't think that's what it means.

H: i think he just said this was handicap parking only.
me: G quick, sit on one of your legs.
G: how does that look?
me: realistic, but now you have to commit to that for the rest of the day.

H: do we know where we're going?
G: i'm just following the masses, that always works for me.
me: isn't that what they did in waco, and jonestown? see how that turned out?

G: so what, are we speed walking here?
H: this is just my normal pace.
me: this is how i walk.
G: well can we slow it down? i have short legs.
G: yeah that's fine, just leave me here.

me: does anyone else find it disturbing that they just played a third eye blind song, that mentions someone going down for an hour, on kids day?

my week, in conversations...

will: has eye candy been in yet?
me: and who would that be?
will: james, that cute blonde boy.
me: JR? nope, haven't seen him. eye candy, eh?
will: he's just pretty to look at.

-----

(on the phone)
D: i forgot to tell you this when i talked to you.
me: what?
D: do you remember mrs. moorehead who rented when you were here?
me: yes, why? oh man she didn't die did she? don't tell me she died.
D: no!
me: oh good, what's up?
D: you know how she always rents the same five movies over and over?
me: yeah?
D: well she rented brokeback mountain, again, for the fifth time.
me: that's awesome!
D: i know, that doesn't seem like her kind of movie.
me: she must like her hot man on man action.
D: (laughing) she must.
me: that's hot.
D: is it?
me: yeah, an old lady getting her kicks from watching two cowboys go at it. that's the definition of hot.

-----

G: does this look bad?
me: no.
G: are you sure?
me: yes, but try something else on if you don't like that.
G: you wouldn't tell me if it did look bad.
me: yes i would.
G: no you wouldn't.
me: well i'd say something like, try something else on if you don't like that, or something like that.
G: that's exactly what you did just say.
me: oh...

just for future reference, no matter how hot and muggy it is outside, i in no way whatsoever want to know that your balls are sticking to your legs. thankyouverymuch. if i could poor bleach on my brain to remove this image from my mind i totally would.

today i decided to brave the heat and run some errands. first i hit up the bank. then i went on the search for some pants for work, and found the cutest pair of jeans ever. hello sunday pants. now i just need to find a shirt that i'm not 100% sick of, and my "day at the ballpark outfit" shall be complete. damn i'm so gay. i guess when you decide to stop being a hermit and get back to spending time with your friends, planning an outfit can be pretty exciting. or maybe i just spent way too much time staring at this wall before me and the tv behind me.

after getting smiled at, by the cutest baby who was chewing on his foot, in line waiting to pay for my pants i dropped by best buy. i was determined to track down the ever elusive pair of work-out proof headphones. i think i found them! they're a little snuggish, but they didn't budge. all the moving and the sweating and they didn't budge. of course i had to try them out he moment i got home, while listening to the latest max mix.

after hearing so many people gush over clerks 2 i figured i couldn't wait one second more to see it, so i checked it out. first let me just say how disturbed i was to see that many parents bringing their children, who couldn't have been more than eight-years-old, to a kevin smith movie. i sat there and watched them walk in, and really couldn't believe it. wtf? moving on, only kevin smith movies have the ability to be completely vulgar one moment, and so touching the next. this was a return to form for him. dogma was okay, and jersey girl was really kind of bad. but clerks 2 was well worth the wait. i laughed so hard, and out loud at so many parts. and while watching rosario dawson dance on the roof i think i may have turned straight for about three minutes today. such a great movie. the best of the summer crop, and i've seen most of them.

then i came home, returned a few emails, and got caught up on last night's real world. janelle is kind of a bitch, and i kind of sort of love her for it. and that's pretty much the excitement that made up my day.

oh and p.s.
while the new justin timberlake video is hot, it simply does not have enough gratuitous nudity for my taste. i need some shirtless JT and i need it right now. well, so much for those three minutes from earlier today.

hey thanks for letting me down, again.

wow, that was um we'll say absurd. bad. awful. not good. never before have i sat through a movie and felt as if it was being written while i was watching it. i went in with pretty low expectations and i was still let down. the way you learn the fable makes it pretty hard to follow. and i generally like movies that you really have to focus on to figure out what's going on. the way they kept changing the role that each character was supposed to fill eventually made you no longer even care how or if it was all going to turn out. and i'm not sure why it was called the lady in the water, she's more of a young girl.

best buy:
the customer service girl was stunning to say the least. i was in shock over her beauty, then she spoke and she was the sweetest thing ever. she took my return, matched the price, and basically was overly helpful. i had to look around to make sure i didn't step into the wrong store by mistake. rarely do nice people wait on you at this particular best buy.

on to target:
i have four items, three cards and deodorant. two lines are open, filled with four people with huge carts filled with merchandise. so i step in line behind a lady who has fifty things out, and a full cart she's still unpacking. she smiles at me, looks at my four items, and tells me to please go ahead of her. she tells me that she knows what it's like to wait in a long line when you have two things. in shock, i thank her and tell her i really appreciate it. this is when i start to wonder if i'm dreaming, or maybe being punk'd.

and finally the ice cream shop:
i haven't been there in over a month. i've had nothing to eat all day, and it's now 1 p.m. and it's a million degrees outside. i decide to have a nice healthy lunch of ice cream. the normally cranky woman comes to the window and offers to take my order. i contemplate letting the other guy go, pretending like i don't know what i want, just to avoid her. then she smiles and says, "i know what you want, i just can't remember what flavor you like. and don't you usually come on tuesdays?" um, what? she called me babe three times, joked with me, was super nice, and reminded me to stop in on tuesday next week to save myself a dollar.

three nice people in a row.

clearly i'm about to find out that i have two weeks to live. or maybe both my arms are going to suddenly fall off. i really won't be surprised.

every morning. open the door. look around. realize that it's way too hot, way too humid for 6am, realize that you are way beyond screwed. step outside, survey the parking lot. realize that you're content where you are, but not happy. never happy. a change for the better somehow became a lateral move. or maybe it was a step in reverse, who knows really. all you do know is that you step outside, take a look around, and see the building across the parking lot. always the building across the parking lot. and you're left forever wondering how different your life would have been, would be, had you taken that turn. an early thought, an early craving...and you know you would have, you could have ended up there. an endless open question. what if? could you have? you wonder if you would have? maybe questions is a little more accurate. you look across the parking lot, see the building with the two peaks and feel what little was left of you to begin with slowly die off.

trying to have a conversation with the girl is pretty much pointless. you're lucky if she so much as grunts at you as she passes by. no matter how many times you smile, say hi or good morning, she gives you zip in return. then someone goes and eats all the bitch's eggos that she had in the freezer and it's as if we're total BFFs. she won't stop talking to me. she's telling me when she bought them, how many she ate, how many should be there, how that completely ruined her entire day, that SOMEone will be buying her replacement eggos...maybe silence wasn't so bad now that i think of it.

this movie was okay. better than the first one, but WAY too long. i kept fidgeting in my seat. and lisa's leg went numb. the special effects were pretty cool, but i kept editing the movie in my head to try and get my butt out of that seat in under ninety minutes.


then i can come and watched this movie. two words, ama zing. i loved it. i laughed so hard. we're not talking groundbreaking cinema here, but it was fun. hilarious. over the top. there were so many quotable lines, and some cute boys (see above). B cinema perfection, second only to teen witch.

so much for my plan to not watch any tv this summer and clear out what i have saved on the DVR. with kyle xy, it's always sunny in philadelphia, psych, whistler AND of course janelle on big brother 7: all-stars i can pretty much say goodbye to any time spent away from my tv. summer tv hasn't been this exciting since 90210 first came on the air.

last night i met up with nikki1 and B at the pub we used to practically live in. after thinking about it i realized i hadn't been there since st. patrick's day 2005. i'm not really sure why we stopped going there, i guess it was a combination of things, nikki1 moved further away from it, after my car accident and surgery last spring i really haven't gone to many bars, G works all the time... whatever the reason, we stopped. i met them on the back patio last night, drinking outside is one of my favorite things ever so the night was pretty close to perfection. close except for the redneck country fest that was going on at the bar next door. the band was so annoying, so loud and so so bad. so we sat and talked. nikki1 asked me if i was late because i had a hard time trying to find a parking spot. i told her it was that and the fact that i wound up driving the wrong way down a one-way street. leave it to me i suppose. mr. m my driver's ed teacher would be so proud. i didn't realize what had happened until i was half-way up the street. i told them that no one died because of my actions so i guess things could have been worse. and i found a parking spot where i didn't have to pay, so that too was a bonus. well i didn't pay, whether i was supposed to or not is i guess another issue entirely. i noticed that the cute bartender that ms. k. and i were flirting with on st. patrick's day was still working there, and still wearing a tie. i guess that must be his thing. i thought about sitting at the bar and striking up a conversation with him about ryan adams like we did last time, but decided that i was pretty comfortable in my patio seat. plus the waitress forgot to make me pay for my beer, so i thought it was best to order my drinks from her. it turned out to be a relatively inexpensive night. after a few drinks we decided to find a bar with a much better music environment. we passed a prostitute on the street. i asked nikki1 if what we saw was indeed a lady of the evening and she agreed that she was. B scolded us for being mean. i just said i was excited because i'd never seen one up close before. so we found our way to the dance bar that was above us and made our way to the booth. there were about twenty people in the bar, not sure what that was about. the music was good, i felt bad for the dj since no one was on the dance floor. i wanted to tell him i was pretty sure it wasn't his fault, as i passed him on my way to the restroom, but sadly i only had two beers so i wasn't feeling brave enough to approach strangers last night. G was downtown as well but in a different part. i was trying to get her to meet up with us but her friend kept her kind of busy. she did finally meet us at the dance bar, about two minutes after we left. i called her from the car on the way home and found out she was trying to meet us. she was disappointed. i told her if i would have known that she would eventually find i would have waited for her. we said our goodnights, i took a wrong turn and found myself in crackville. i did find the one road that my driver's ed instructor and my parents warned me to avoid at all costs when i first got my license. it's in the kind of neighborhood where people get murdered in the street in the middle of the day, and the people who witness it just kind of look the other way. so it was comforting to look up and see the street sign as i stoped at a red light. that was when i decided to drive just a wee bit faster and roll my windows up. i did make it home without any attempts being made on my life so i guess the evening ended up being not so bad after all.

as we walked to our cars to head home...
nikki1: can you tell my pants are unbuttoned?
B: no, can you tell mine are?
me: am i the only one trying to keep my clothes on here?

GRT

it's not like i didn't know he was sick, or how severe the diagnosis was. he told us about it a year ago, and who knows how long he dealt with it before he shared his news. multiple brain tumors aren't really the kind of thing you can just bounce back from. even so, it was still unsettling seeing him laying in the casket. i say unsettling as if being bothered by seeing someone dead in a casket before you is somehow out of the norm. like his death was really all that different from anyone else's. all deaths are unsettling, all deaths are hard to wrap your mind around. it was just strange seeing the person who helped us deal with so many other deaths now no longer around to try and help me come to terms with this latest one, with his. it started with my grandmother's fifteen years ago and followed from there, my grandpa's, two uncle's, and then my dad's. i guess for some reason, to me, he always seemed immune to the fate that waiting for everyone. he was brave, he was fearless, and to him dying just meant the start of something else, not an ending. i guess that's why i was always both intrigued and freaked out by him, death never has been something i could ever comprehend myself being okay with. but there he was, or at least this version of him. i've seen a lot of dead bodies in 31 years, more than i really care to think about. the one thing they all have in common is how unlike the living version of the person i used to know they wind up becoming. they don't look like they're sleeping, peaceful, at rest... they look like a fake version of the person i knew, i loved. an imposter, a stand-in. and he wasn't an exception. people always say funerals are a chance to say goodbye, but i sometimes wish it was a tradition we just didn't have. it's hard to shake the mental image of the person you know and love lying in a casket, dressed up in clothes they didn't pick out, surrounded by flowers. and the last glimpse you have of them is this unnatural state of being that just doesn't sit well with you. at least it doesn't with me.