the good news:

i was able to meet my goal of losing 26 pounds by thanksgiving.

the bad news:

i'm pretty sure i gained back about fifty pounds while i was in michigan.


i'm usually safe because i don't eat the twenty-five varieties of pies that always seem to collect for family gatherings. however, my aunt was sure to have mackinaw island fudge ice cream on hand just for me so i wouldn't feel left out. and buckeyes. and chocolate covered peanuts...

while a twelve-hour walking/shopping/crowd-fighting day may have helped, i fear it wasn't quite enough.

in less than 24 hours i'll be heading towards the magical land up north. where cable doesn't exist, at least not at my aunt's house. where there's no such thing as internet connections or email access. where beds pull out of couches, in living rooms with absolutely no privacy. i'm on display in the main room for all the world to see. where a fireplace keeps me warm at night, and a chiming clock brings back fond memories. where my relatives will inhale several pies and offer me a piece, after thirty-one years i will still be saying no. where an apples to apples marathon will be had. where shopping at 5 a.m. the day after thanksgiving doesn't seem wrong at all. where i'll regress to feeling like i'm a teenager again. where i'll laugh, get hugged, see my favorite person in the whole wide world, and feel loved.

where i wouldn't want to change a single thing.

i love lifelong friends.

who you've known for twenty-seven years. who made ice cream on the playground with you when you were both five. who have the exact same taste in movies as you do. who like to eat at your favorite restaurants. who lean over and say that you never should have stopped writing, that you could have been an author, that your stories were good. who give you huge hugs when you say your goodbyes in the parking lot. who call you darling one, and say they'll see you soon.

cheeseburger in paradise was yummy. stranger than fiction was good. as jules said, a slow start with a strong finish. i'd call it a beautiful ending myself. it was touching, an odd in a good way. in a me and you and everyone we know, i heart huckabees sort of way. damien rice blaring in the car, on the drive home, as the rain slowly became snow was a good ending to a pretty good day. i've never really dreamt of having someone narrate my life, but i've often longed for my own personal soundtrack that played as life's moments took place.

m: i'm gonna have my own reality show.

me: oh really?

m: yeah, it's gonna be called thug high.

me: interesting.

m: i'm gonna be drivin' around gettin' high all the time.

me: well...

m: i'm just kidding, i don't do that.

me: right.

m: bill's gonna be my driver.

me: now i'd watch that. you and a 75 year old driver.

m: we'll be ridin' dirty.

me: (laughing)

m: you know what that means right?

me: i'm from the country, i haven't a clue.

m: what?!?

me: well i know the song, but that's about it.

m: do the normans live out by you?

me: i don't know anyone by that name.

m: no, they're like catholics, but they're from utah.

me: you mean mormons?

m: oh, yeah. yeah.

me: no. but there are some amish people close by.

m: maybe that's who i'm thinking of.

me: now i don't feel so bad for not knowing what ridin' dirty meant.

3 LBS.

humor + touching moments that induce the tears + TONS of music + musical montages with slow-motion + ending with a little damien rice = hell, yeah.

i just love it when an oil change and a replacement headlight turns into over $400.00 in maintenance on my car.

i think this year, for christmas, i'll just print up little cards to pass out to everyone that say, "a donation has been made in your name to the fix J's car fund. merry effing christmas."

being a grownup is fun.

so i'm standing there trying to copy a picture for my cousin's birthday gift and who should magically appear? none other than trouble. i swear, he pops up everywhere. he moves two hours away and he's still popping up all over the place. it was nice to see him for once actually sober. me not him, he was buzzed off some margaritas. it's impossible to have a casual conversation with someone once you've seen them naked. or once you've drunk dialed them a few too many nights.

i tried my best to find a picture of my cousin, my sister, and myself when we were all little, but apparently such a picture does not exist. so i found one of her, her two brothers, and my mom that hopefully will work. i know how she is, and something tells me that picture will never see the light of day once i give it to her. i found a cute one of me and my sister when we were little, playing in some leaves, to give to her. my love of autumn developed at an early age. as did my love of the color blue it seems. when i first found it i got a little teary eyed over it.

tonight is dinner with the work girls to celebrate D's birthday. every time we go out i find myself blown away by some huge piece of work related gossip. i go to work, keep to myself, do my own thing, and leave. so when it comes to knowing what's going on i usually don't. then there's one night a month when we meet up and i'm left...

speechless.
chocking from laughter.
jaw-dropped.

over something they tell me. then on the drive home i usually think to myself...

i can't believe i work with these people.
i'm glad i keep to myself, keep my head down, and mind my own business.

i'm not saying that i'm excited about thanksgiving in michigan, or the week off that follows. but i kind of sort of have already started packing, and we don't even leave for ten days. i know it's ten days because my favorite person in the whole wide world and i have been counting it down via text messages for the past month or so.

chai lattes, outdoor malls in the cold autumn air, wearing a scarf that may not have been made for my gender, mackinaw island fudge, decorating christmas trees while buzzed off of one margarita, home for the holidays and the myth of fingerprints...

i wonder what this year will bring?

i may/may not have a problem when it comes to buying coats.

i may/may not purchase a new coat practically every autumn, winter and spring.

i may/may not have just purchased the above coat.

how can you go wrong when the coat has bitter in its name? i mean really, it was made for me.

mat kearney!

-i love that mat kearney is so much cuter in person. i'll forever go all week in the knees for boys with guitars.

-i love that he still sounds just as amazing live as he does on his cd.

-i love that for the first time in 100+ concerts i got to be the tall guy at the very front and center of the stage, blocking all the people behind me. i finally got to be that guy.

-i love that i was actually close enough to get some decent pictures of him with the camera phone.

-i love that i made it to work on time today with only 2.5 hours of sleep under my belt. mat was so worth it.



i met up with lisa and as always we talked non-stop for the hour drive north to see mat kearney. we hit this one stretch of the highway that had blood splattered all over it, guts and various pieces soon followed. lisa said a poor little deer must have been killed. i told her it looked more like a massacre of twenty-five people with all that blood. seriously, it went on and on.

so we found some free parking and headed to the house of blues. we stopped at the gift shop and looked around to kill some time since we were about forty-five minutes early. a few people were hanging around outside and a few more were walking in. we decided to follow the crowd that was heading in, to avoid the cold. we made it to the door and found out that we were in the ziggy marley line and the ticket girl told us to stand by this one set of doors and wait for 9 when the doors would open. i joked that we looked like we were a museum exhibit since we were standing inside these ropes and people kept walking by us. i was as excited as the twelve year old little girl that i am because mat was doing a sound check and ever time the door would open he was standing right there, about eight feet away. eventually #957 came over, that was his staff shirt number and how we referred to him for the remainder of the evening, to give us a hard time. he asked us what we were doing and we told him waiting for the doors to open. he informed us that we had the wrong colored bracelets on and asked us where we even got the ones that we had. we told him the guy at the door put them on us as we walked in. he then removed the ones that we had on and gave us a new color. he asked us who told us to wait there and we pointed to the ticket girl who just looked over and smiled at us. he asked us if we wanted to be the first ones in or something. lisa informed him that we did because we'd never been the first for anything. he asked us if we VIP passes and we said no. so he told us that we were supposed to be waiting outside with everyone else but if we just would go and sit on a couch he wouldn't make us go to the end of the line. so we did. after a few minutes lisa then walked back up to the first guy who gave us the bracelets and told him how much of an ass #957 was. she explained everything that happened and he said for us to just wait where we were and he'd let us know when they were about to open the doors so we could get in first. i asked lisa if were supposed to watch for a secret sign like three tugs on his ear followed by a scratch of his nose and she just laughed at me. after a few minutes the guy finally told us that we were able to go in so we hurried in and stood right in front of the stage. i had to pee and lisa assured me that she would save my spot. in the few minutes that i was gone about thirty people had filled in around her and made their way in front of us. i was still only two people away from the stage so it wasn't that big of a deal. when the opening act came on and i realized how close we actually were i began to freak out inside. it was insane how close we were, we could see spit flying and drops of sweat. it was such a great show and so much fun. he sounded just as good as his cd and seemed to really love being in front of a crowd. that was one of the best concerts i've ever been to, right up there with matt nathanson show #1, howie day show #1, tonic's acoustic show, and the counting crows show in columbus.



last night completely made up for missing him in ann arbor over the summer.

maybe two years from now i'll look back on these days and they will have become nothing more than that short span of time when you smiled and introduced yourself, when i spent my days getting to know you, when one of us walked away. but i'm okay with that. you see, for the first time in a long time, it feels good.

it feels good.

phone shopping.

today i had, in my hands, the very phone i have been lusting after for about a year now. after thinking it over for about fifteen minutes i was this close to buying it. i spoke with little miss beautiful who was helping me and she informed me that verizon was about to pull it because a newer version is on the way. she tried to steer me towards the chocolate phone, since it was newer and A LOT cheaper, but that phone kind of annoys me. the commercials almost won me over, but actually holding it and using it...not so much. so i guess i'll wait.

later i discovered that target now has an entire section of dvds hand-picked by IFC. who knew? i was like a junkie stumbling upon a hidden stash of crack. flirting with disaster? lonesome jim? and there it was, me & you & everyone we know. we had a winner. and $2 cheaper than amazon, i couldn't pass it up.

after that i decided to check out the prestige. my sister warned me that she hated it, and i should avoid it. after seeing that and the illusionist she said she did not plan on ever seeing another turn of the century magician movie. so i was prepared to not like it that much, but it was still on my must-see list so i forged ahead. i loved it. i mean wow. the ending. the twist that isn't a twist, but still was a twist. wow. i just sat there as it wrapped up and fell in love with the entire movie. it's in my top five for the year:

brick
little miss sunshine
thank you for smoking
and now the prestige.

i realize that's only four but the year isn't over yet. i'm sure the santa clause 25: please kill me now, will find a home in my top 5.