i pick g up for a late lunch and some shopping. we head to chilli's because i'm craving some soup. she changes our mind for us and we end up at bravo instead. we get out of the car and g discovers some sort of foreign object all over her shoe. she hopes it's just mud. when i see it all over my mat and my car i really hope that it's just mud. our waiter is a fifty-year-old diva who grows increasingly impatient with the length of time it takes g to decide on her order. we look at one another in shock and wonder if what's happening is real. later he comes back with our food and he's insanely nice and bubbly. i decide that we have a bi-polar waiter. or maybe he has an evil twin. either way, i'm not impressed. g looks at my new phone and asks me if it's the enV. i tell her that it is and she asks me if i care if she gets the exact same phone. i tell her i completely understand, it's called the enV after all, how could she not?

after lunch she mentions swinging by the mall so i can look for my foxtrot calendar. in typical fashion she gives me a hard time for stressing over my parking spot. i try to explain that the reason why my car is dent free is because i park 100 miles away but she's not having any of it. she drags me into bath and body works and forces me to look at makeup with her. i try to explain to her that though i may like boys, i'm not in fact a girl. my protest goes unnoticed. i lose the ability to breathe after being in the store for over half an hour, it's good to know that i'm still allergic to flowers and the like.

i find my calendar, she leaves what's left of the unknown matter that was on her shoe on a rack at the bookstore. we head to look for more makeup and i run into some people from work. we briefly chat and then wander off again. we do a once around the food court so g can find a beverage. she settles on a smoothie with a fat stripper shot thrown in. as we make our way back to the car she discovers a hair in her smoothie. i tell her that maybe that has something to do with the fat stripper element. once you find the hair you gag and then vomit up all the food you consume that day, thus losing weight.

we find the car and head for home. she tells me that she wound up getting the day after the holiday off and invites me to a couple of parties that she knows of. i think about it, plan on it, and then change my mind one hundred times on the drive home. i begin to feel like i'm getting sick, i decide to just stay home and get drunk, alone. i turn on the seinfeld marathon, tell g i'm not going to make it, she says that she's staying home on her couch as well. i decide not to drink after realizing i somehow made it 77 days without having a single drop of alcohol. i wind up falling asleep on the couch for an hour, missing two quality episodes of seinfeld. when i wake up i really feel like i'm about to die. i catch the ball drop, and some of the insanity on mtv. i read two more chapters of my book, and call it a night by 12:30 am. i'm reminded of the one new year's eve when i stayed home with my grandpa while my mom and dad went to one party and my sister another when i was in junior high. i sat up in my bed and read to kill a mockingbird, turned on the tv long enough to catch the ball drop, and then went back to my book. at the time i felt kind of guilty for leaving my grandpa alone in another room. now that he's gone i regret it a lot more.