patty!

this is me moments away from picking up lisa to head south.

this is me about to weep and weep and weep.

this is me quietly freaking out, in the best way possible.

sunday:
i am in love with the new maroon5 single, i guess it really was worth the wait. i listen to the brandi carlile cd two times during my drive up to the airport. i was kicking around the idea of getting rid of my tickets to see her, i know, after missing her four times and finally getting to see her but I was. it’s just that i bought the tickets before i even knew patty was an option, and with the shows so close together i thought it might be too much. but the cd is insanely amazing and now i’m even more excited to see her. i have ten or so other new cds to try and work through but i can’t stop playing hers. so good. i get caught up on the events of my mother’s trip. we get some lunch at the hamburger station! yes, with an (!) both because it’s an event and because i haven’t been there in years. naturally it’s delicious. while on my airport roadtrip lisa calls me to see if i want to hit the flea market with her. i think i surprise both her and myself by saying yes. she finds like $100 worth of stuff but has little cash on her, so we fly to the atm so she can get some money and be back before the show ends in fifteen minutes. of course, being that it’s lisa, she runs into 100 people that she knows. i find an old rc cola bottle from when i was a kid and pick that up. my big spend of the day comes to $6, $4 to get in and $2 for the bottle.

monday:
i get home and wait on the cable guy who is promised to appear between 2 and 4. this is me still waiting. i feel like a seinfeld episode.

tuesday:
i run into lynne and we discuss our common illness. she may be switching over to the medication i’ve been on for almost two years and she was trying to get some information from me. i stop for gas on my way home. the sign says $2.75, the pump however says $2.74. as i make my selection it magically becomes $2.68, wow score one for me. i usually have the complete opposite happen when it comes to gas. so it doesn’t go unsaid, i LOVE the new emerson hart single. considering that i was a big fan of tonic, and i consider their acoustic show one of my favorite concerts ever, this should come as little surprise. i discover, if only too late, that jason katims has his hands in friday night lights. i’ve heard it is a good show, had i known that one of my favorite tv guys was involved i would have made a point to watch it. i swing by target to pay my bill. after all this time my card is finally paid off. goodbye $10,000 in debt. i remember panicking and feeling as if i’d never live to see this day. then it’s on to red robin to meet the work girls. after hamburger station on sunday, and the thoughts of having a burger the following day, i decide to order a chicken wrap. it was so good. i get freaked out by the large number of onion rings that are at our table, they outnumber us like 3 to 1. eww, onions. lisa shows up late and greets me by rubbing her boobs on me. i later get molested by lisa and D at the same time. i grab the umbrella from debbie’s drink and attempt to break free with the threat of a good stabbing. debbie continues to kick me and step on my toes all through dinner, of course i'm wearing flip-flops it's nice out. she claims there are fleas under the table and she can feel them getting her. i suspect it’s the drink that she had. as usual we are a loud noisy scene. we get a few looks, we just ignore them and continue to laugh and scream out our favorite lines from borat. after 3.5 hours of sitting, eating and talking we say our goodbyes.

wednesday:
lunch/movie with nikki. i get to see pictures of the new place, and the ring. i find out that E is even more of a nutcase than i previously thought. not only does she ruin the surprise, after promising not to, the bitch is trying to scam a way to walk down the aisle with me. have a seriously delicious bruschetta burger of tyler florence’s creation at applebee’s, i haven’t been there in forever but i go there specifically to try that burger. then we check out disturbia. i never really got kia’s crush on shia before. sure, i’ve always thought that he was cute, funny, and charming. but after this movie, i seriously get it. we enjoy the theater to ourselves until these three obnoxious, middle-aged cows come grazing into the theater.

their series of offenses:
speaking in loud voices the entire time, even after we called them bitches. (looking back, maybe it was because we called them bitches)
making several phone calls, and answering their ringing phones.
bringing their own noisy bags of food and drinks in with them.
loudly chewing whatever it was they were chewing.
announcing the movie sucked several times.
claiming it was too cold in the theater, asking to have the heat turned on.
roasting nikki and i thanks to that.
announcing they were going to get free passes out of this.

by the end of the movie i am sweating, and seriously pissed. we follow the track suit wearing bitches out of the theater and i stand and glare at the phone call making cow for a bit. then I march over to the ticket girl and get all queenie. i hate getting like that, i do my best to keep in in check, but when i get worked up sometimes it’s hard to control it. and anyone who knows me knows it takes a lot for me to get worked up. but of course i get all fast talking and use the work “like” a million times. i do get my point across and report all of their shady antics. i let the girl and the manager know that they got scammed, that our experience was ruined, and that it was not cold in the theater at all. they apologize to us and offer us free passes. we politely say no and i tell them that wasn’t my intent, i just wanted them to know that the bitches were lying. but the movie seriously rocked, what we could hear, and i’d see it again without hesitation, and not just for the long lingering shots of shia’s hairy leg.

thursday:
Lost is all about desmond and penny this week, i am pleased. it could just be them every week with some sawyer and juliette thrown in here and there and i would be very very pleased. i watch a miss marple movie, just as good as poirot. then i finish the paula deen memoir before going to bed.

friday:
i accidentally discover that in the land of women opens and decide i need to see it that very moment. i saw the trailer a month or so back and fell in love immediately: adam brody, lots of music, slow-motion, and a drama. how could i go wrong? the girl from wednesday notices me as i stand in line to buy a drink, after paying for my ticket. she smiles and i smile, and i wait. when it’s my turn she calls the manager over, also from wednesday, and tells him to give me a free pass. i smile and say that isn’t necessary, but they insist. so i get my money back while she gets my drink. i feel better about the whole mess that was wednesday. i ask her if the three bitches had been spotted and she assures me that the coast is clear. i make my way to the theater, smile at the caution tape that hangs over the hot fuzz door, then enter and find a seat. the movie is just as awesome as i thought it would be. i question my love for all things Entertainment Weekly when i later discover that they gave the film an F. an F? i’ve seen some pretty shitastic movies in my day: powder, castaway, stir of echoes, lord of illusions… and that’s just off the top of my head without thinking, this movie comes nowhere near an F. F you EW, F you. speaking of EW, while waiting for the movie to start i wonder why the EW summer movie preview issue hasn’t come out yet. i need to know what i'm doing with my summer. i come home to find the magazine waiting on me. it’s one of my favorite kind of days: warm, windows down, sunglasses on, music blaring. i missed this weather. in an effort to check another griffin off my list, i pick up tickets to see kathy griffin do some standup. if i survive seeing patty i’m sure kathy will make me pee with laughter. i come home, eat, watch some tv and attempt to go to sleep but somehow end up reading 35 pages of my new book the road. i miss a call from B and a text from G somewhere in all of that.

*side note. while at the cinema i see a preview for the new movie no reservations. i love all things patricia clarkson. think aaron eckhart is seriously hot. and think the little miss sunshine girl is adorable. plus it looks like my kind of movie. all of that put together does not outweigh how much catherine-zeta-jones-douglas makes my skin crawl. sadly there is no cure for this and i will have no choice but to skip this one.

saturday:
it’s 74 today! i didn’t think i’d live to see this day again. not really sure if i’m dreaming, i take a picture of my temperature thing inside my car and send it to chels. she replies back with a picture of the sun. we plan a road trip to florida to work on our tans. i promise to pay for gas and provide amazing mix cds if she drives, she agrees to this arrangement. P and i catch up, and take advantage of D not being around and feel free to talk openly. i miss our daily chats, i think that’s really the only thing i miss about transferring. we discuss RENT for she has finally seen it live, and grey’s anatomy. she’s happy with the george and izzie thing. i am NOT. much driving with the windows down and the st. patrick’s day mix being played, i need a new mix. some pizza is had. G and i catch up and realize, much too late, that we both want to be out somewhere sipping a drink on a patio enjoying the warm weather. i clean up the DVR a bit, read, and drift off to my patty mix on my phone. one week until i get to see her!

*no animals were killed in the making of this update, this week.

sunday:
i decide to make my mom’s day and finally go to her new church with her. the couple that she and my dad were friends with before i was born go there, and seemed happy to see me as well. i was told i looked like my baby picture. i replied with, "yeah i have about the same amount of hair". we exchange our easter gifts. i get some gift cards, chocolate and oxy. i think that’s fitting that the two are given in the same basket. she’s too funny. i send chels a picture to let her see that i am dressed up and in fact going to church. she sent me a dollar in my easter card and told me i needed to get my butt to church and that i should use the dollar for my offering. she texts me back and says that, surprisingly enough, she too is attending church, and now we’ll both be saved. after church we meet up with my uncle and his girlfriend for lunch at anthe’s. it was tasty, no real surprise there. i think the main ingredient in their rolls is crack because i crave them all the time. i get home and talk to my sister a bit on the phone. i watch a good year, it’s not bad. worth a rental. i expected it to be a little more touching, maybe kind of sad, but it’s really not.


monday:
work is eerily quiet, not that i’m complaining, i just have a hard time believing that i’m not dreaming. speaking of dreaming, at a little before 1 a.m. or so, while asleep, i hear my name being called out quite loudly. it’s a woman’s voice, i wake up, am seriously freaked out, then fall back asleep. i can’t stop thinking about it all day. D and E have some more drama, nothing really new there. i’m still very happy i transferred out of that department. i like my quiet little department in the back. an 80 year-old man, going about 80 mph, does his best to run me and several other cars off the road. wtf? i go five over the speed limit and get nervous as i look up and see a cop in my rearview mirror. this freak is going double the speed limit and gets away with it. i just don’t get it. i arrive home to find a box of cds (the new efforts from neko case, sufjan stevens, aqualung, the arcade fire, joss stone, and modest mouse. along with amy winehouse and the hold steady) from my sister and my amazon order waiting on me. yay! G sends me some email gossip about the hills, mainly heidi. the subject line simply reads, “heidi”. seriously, we both have a hard time NOT being obsessed when it comes to this show.

tuesday:
i get daily notices in the mail that this is my last chance to renew my subscription to details, act now or my membership of 15 years will all have been for nothing. or this is my last chance to apply for this credit card, if they don’t hear from me today it will never be offered again. you know, i really wish that were true. save a rainforest, stop sending me this shit.

i get home and check out episode 1 of the last 7 king of queens ever. it’s still a really funny show even after all this time, i’m going to miss doug & carrie. i FINALLY finish shortbus. while it had some touching moments, a few really great scenes, some good music, and one adorable guy i still feel like i’m missing something. i really can’t say that it was a good movie, or that i liked it. at all. i get all caught up on jericho, is it wrong that i want to see the mother get shot in the face? they don’t generally show that sort of violence on the show, however if it came to her i wouldn’t mind. her acting is so over the top, and i loathe her big speeches. and pretty much everything about her.

i’m moving pretty quickly through the paula deen memoir, at least i’ve found a book to finally hold my interest. i started the dante club, and the alienist for the second time, and neither one was doing it for me.

wednesday:
my mother offers to take me to lunch, so i accept. i plan on running to target to pick up a book and the new bright eyes cd. we kill some time at target, then head to the bank so she can cash a check for her chicago adventure! we shop for dresses at talbot’s, for her not me, to kill even more time. then we hit wal-mart (cringe) while waiting for 11 a.m. to arrive. while trying to track down a book for my mother, i look up to discover a cute guy checking me out. i never know the proper way to respond to someone looking at me, so more often then not i tend to scowl. i guess i scowl because my mind is racing and i’m trying to figure out what to do and i guess that’s the look i give when i’m deep in thought. needless to say i’ve never won anyone over with my scowl. but when i attempt to smile i feel like i smile just like chandler on friends while posing for a picture, so i don’t feel this option is any more appealing. maybe i should start wearing a shirt that says, “yes i’m interested, don’t let my furrowed brow lead you to believe otherwise”. sigh.

thursday:

conversations throughout my day…

will: i thought you were left handed.
me: nope.
will: huh.
me: does that blow every theory you ever had about me right out of the water?
will: pretty much.
me: and you thought you had me all figured out.

me: that lady was a total bitch.
dennis: i told crystal to handle it.
me: good.
dennis: then i told her to handle me.
me: how does that help me? i’m the one she was a bitch to.
dennis: don’t worry, i’ll let you watch.

me: looks good.
bob: i know, but don’t let the wife hear you saying that, she’ll scratch your eyes out.
me: i didn’t mean you.
bob: oh.
me: trust me.
bob: okay, okay.

i get offered a spot on the bowling team, but turn it down for fear that the people i work with would see the sight that is me bowling. people run screaming from bowling alleys when i attempt to bowl, so i’ve had to hide my mad bowling skills away from the world. skee-ball is another story entirely, that i can kick anyone’s ass in, just ask kia. a shopping cart scratches up my car. mother fucking lazy ass people! if you are too lazy to walk your cart the two feet to the cart corral, where it goes, then you probably shouldn’t be eating in the first place. you’re probably the same people who walk around the store half folded over, practically in your cart, using it as a walker. thanks for scratching up my car, i hope you die. *end rant*

i get home and check out the latest episode of Lost. my head nearly explodes at the badassness of juliette. i want her to be bad, and i want her to be good at the same time. added bonus, locke is nowhere to be found. ms. k emails me to confirm what i already know, the episode was amazing.

friday:
i leave work early to pick up my mother and drive her to the airport for her little Chicago weekend. two plus hours in the car, talking on the way up, listening to the new brandi carlile on the way back. i make a quick stop to pick up some much needed groceries for the weekend, then head home. i have some leftover chicken, attempt to get caught up on some tv: earl, the office, and some wonder years episodes. i put in the first disc from dante’s cove season one and crawl into bed. it’s pretty good, no queer as folk, the music is really the only annoying part. i expected the acting to be much worse than it is. then i fall asleep listening to a new patty mix i made on my phone.

saturday:
i talk to will for a bit, he tells me of his atheist ways which developed in the fifth grade? i order and inhale a pizza, do some laundry, and ponder my evening. i have another road trip to and fro the airport in the a.m. so it looks like i’ll just be staying in yet again. back and forth with G and chels, a conversation with kia (this time she doesn't hang up on me) and then keara, and nothing much else.

sunday 4/1/07:
jules cancels our plans for lunch and a movie because she has some serious lawyer-ing to do. i make a long list of things i need to get accomplished and then proceed to do not a one. i watch jericho, stanley’s leaving? he and mimi are my favorites on the show. *sidenote, every time mimi comes on screen i sing, "they call me, they call me mimi" from RENT in my head. i watch the soup, best week ever, two episodes of match game, two episodes of design on a dime (i have a minor crush on brice cooper, it must be the glasses...or his body), and attempt to finish shortbus. sadly, i’m still not all the way through this movie. it’s no hedwig, that much is true. i talk to my sister on the phone for a bit, text back and forth with chels, and call it a day.

monday:
the new look of my “office” is all anyone can talk about. who knew it would cause such a stir? in between the typical monday madness huge pile of work to be done, i attempt to organize everything. D gives me my giftage from her pennsylvania trip, a stuffed pickle and a pickle whistle to go along with the oscar mayer weenie whistle she got me a few years back. she knows i love me some pickles. i bring home one more shelf, and swear it will be the last. i wrap my sister’s birthday gift, then head back out to the post office. Ugly McCrabby waits on me, naturally. i hate this post office so much, but because i suck and didn’t wrap the gift on sunday i didn’t have the package ready to take with me to work and drop off at the nicer post office. this is the same post office that lost one of my mom’s boxes she was sending out to michigan two christmases ago. when she called to see why one box got there five days before the other, when they were sent out at exactly the same time she was told, “i don’t know what happened, i’m not traveling with the package.”

will asks me out. catching me completely off guard, and not really having any idea how to respond, i proceed to make a series of noises until someone else enters the room and he walks off. feeling both bad and confused, i do what i do best and pretend that it never happened and nothing is made mention of it the remainder of the day.

tuesday:
after work i meet lisa for dinner at luigi’s. 4 quickly becomes 5. well, better make it 6 just to be safe. P assures me that 6 will no doubt turn into 7. whadda ya gonna do? we plan on meeting at the movie theater and then leaving my car there while we’re at luigi’s. she worries that the theater is closer to her than it is for me and i assure her that it’s fine. she tells me that she’s leaving that very moment and she will see me there. i leave immediately myself, not wanting to keep her waiting for very long. she’s at the most fifteen minutes away from the theater. it takes me about twenty-five minutes to get there, and she’s still not there. i text P to inform her that she was right. i wait another ten minutes and then my phone rings, she’s almost there. am I there yet? yes, i could have walked there in that time. she shows up in her car with the top down and smiles as i get in. it’s 80 degrees, i’m wearing my flip flops! for the first time this year and a short sleeve shirt. we drive off with the killers blaring and lisa attempting to run several people off the road. there isn’t a line at the restaurant for the first time ever and we quickly find a seat. the one waitress who looks just like patty griffin takes our order and we sit and catch up. we eat a ton of food and try to figure out what we’re going to do with the remainder of our evening. she takes me to the shop she just bought and shows me around. then we drive through two parks and she informs me that they’re both known for being gay cruise parks. i ask her if that’s why she took me to them. she informs me that she would have taken anyone through them because it was the most scenic route, however, if i was ever interested in getting my genitalia massaged (her words) that would be the place to go. i could just sit on the bench and wait for it to happen. good to know. i want to see blades of glory, what jules and i were going to see on sunday, but lisa wants to see the shooter, so we decide to pass on the movie. finding someone who wants to see blades of glory around here is seriously becoming impossible. we sit in the parking lot for close to thirty minutes talking. eventually we say our goodbyes and head home. i make it into the door and crawl directly into bed i’m that wiped out.

wednesday:
it’s 40 degrees, freezing, windy as a mother, and it’s rain/sleeting… um, how could i possibly have been wearing my flip flops! just last night? anyway, after stopping for a quick haircut i head to the chapel to run some errands. i’ve had a serious craving for a reese’s peanut butter egg the last week or so, my one goal was to track one down. one would think that sounds like an easy enough goal being easter and all, sadly there must be an egg shortage in ohio. at least in my part. everyone’s out of the damn things. i can find white chocolate, marshmallow, and fudge ones but not the old school original eggs. damn the man. i look for the new brandi carlile cd and also come up empty handed. there is one single copy of the new paula deen autobiography left on the shelf, but i figure if i go the amazon route for the brandi carlile cd i might as well get the book that way as well. it’s three dollars cheaper through amazon and i’ll get the free shipping. so i leave target with little more than some toothpaste. i head for macy’s to find an easter gift for my mother. of course the one thing i plan on getting, the one thing i know she actually wants, they’re out of. this seems to be the theme for the day. i’m told that another macy’s at the summit has what i’m looking for and ponder driving further north. after jumping on the wrong highways twice, seriously not my fault this time, i finally arrive at my destination. i worry a bit when what i’m looking for is no where to be found, but after dealing with one of the nicest clerks ever i find the gift and am on my way. i decide that a wendy’s frostie is a close second to a peanut butter egg and make a quick detour into wendy’s. i realize it’s been a few years since i last had a frosite. when i‘m offered either chocolate or vanilla i‘m completely surprised, you can get vanilla now? not wanting to tempt fate i opt to keep it old school and go for chocolate.

thursday & friday:
my foxtrot calendar tells me that these days do in fact exist, however nothing of any great importance happens. thursday i watch Lost from the night before. i still heart juliette. i get the anti new character vibe, anna l i’m looking at you, but they got it right with libby, desmond (my favorite character this side of sawyerhot), and juliette. little else is done on this day.

friday i watch the office and 30 rock. oh man, gob bluth trying to seduce kenneth pretty much blows my mind. why am i the only one who loves loves loves 30 rock?

saturday:
i awake to texts from my sister and drunken voicemail from the keara. the latter pretty much makes my day. pizza is had. the soup, real world, and best week ever is viewed. i catch up on some emails, text nonstop with G and chels, and pretty much chill.

monday:
i watch some tv, really nothing else happens.

tuesday:
on the drive in to work i start my morning by hitting a rabbit. are you effing kidding me?!? after work i meet D for lunch.

both D and D. J. ask me if i’ve talked to lisa lately. i tell them that i called her two weeks ago and left a message, she called me last week and left a message, and i need to call her again. after getting home from lunch i pick up my phone to call her, and it rings. it’s lisa, too freaky. “hi i was calling to see if you wanted to do a movie tonight, but now i can’t go.” she says. “i guess then no?” i say. she’s seriously craving some luigi’s and we make plans to hit the restaurant next week.

meanwhile, back to lunch. D calls me at least 100 times while i'm attempting to get all of my work done and get out of the building. i learn that it’s raining, that she has arrived, that she can’t get in, that she is walking to the front of the building and that she has found us a table. i crack up when i get to the table and find a pitcher of tea waiting for me. we used to hit the place every monday for lunch and the waiter always brought me a pitcher as a joke so he wouldn't have to make so many trips filling up my glass. "well, you know where the bathroom is right?" the waitress asks me after i've finished the pitcher over the course of the hour. i tell her i felt like i had to drink it because i didn't want to waste any of it. i'm not sure if she buys any of that.

later in the evening i get around to one of my netflix picks, come early morning. while i don’t hate it, i don’t exactly love it. the fact that it was written and directed by joey lauren adams and starred ashley judd had me hoping for a bit more. even as a drunk, bar brawlin’ mess ashley judd is so beautiful to watch, but i dunno. i attempt to start shortbus, and while it is entertaining and unlike anything i’ve ever seen before, outside of porn that is, i’m way too sleepy to make it all the way through.

wednesday:
i think this is the first wednesday in quite a while that i haven’t gone shopping. i must have gotten all of it out of my system. i’m contemplating a new pair of flip-flops, but outside of that i think i’m pretty much set for spring and summer. i do swing by the bank to make a deposit. the teller lady informs me that i write a lot of checks and i should consider switching to some other account type thing. i’m pretty sure that two checks a month isn’t what one would consider a lot. and the fact that it’s been close to three years since i last ordered checks leaves me a bit confused. i tell my mother that the crazy bitch is always trying to talk me into stuff when she waits on me. after that i take my mother to the dollar theater to check out because i said so. this was what my mom wanted to see when my sister was in town for our birthdays, but since it snowed a lot we opted to just stay indoors. normally i love diane keaton, but her character was a bit unhinged and screechy this time around. and i could sit and watch lauren graham talk for three hours, but she was in the movie all of three minutes. however the chemistry between mandy moore and gabriel macht, and their storyline was enough to make up for all that was wrong with this movie. while it seemed a bit, “been there, done that” at times i found it enjoyable enough. and hey, it only cost me two dollars.

thursday:
the world stops for one hour every thursday when i catch the previous night’s Lost episode on the DVR. boo, it’s all about paulo and nikki. wow, she really is a sucky actress, no wonder she was just hovering in the background since her introduction. yikes, they’re not really dead and are being buried alive carly manning style circa days of our lives mid-nineties. ouch, what a way to bite it. tuesday ms. k had a mini-meltdown and left me a tear-filled voicemail. i thought of a response all day wednesday while i was out and about. i didn’t want things to unhinge the way they did two years ago, so i spent a lot of time trying to find just the right words. i think that i was more in shock that this time i was the sane one who was reassuring the other friend. i was proud of my letter and fired it off to her. i quickly heard back from her, no harm is done in any of what i said, and we seem to be on a happier, healthier track this time around. G texts me and we spend the better part of an hour texting back and forth. i realize that while an actual conversation would be much simpler, texting is way more fun.

friday:
katie hooks me up hardcore and gets me some pretty amazing seats to see patty griffin in columbus. granted, i don’t have all the logistics worked out, and the tickets were $80, but i have my tickets. i try not to think about it too much for fear that i’ll burst into tears over the anticipated excitement. if she sings forgiveness or christina, i will die on the spot and have to be carted back home in the back of my car for a proper burial. i attempt to catch up on jericho, the return of six degrees, and some old episodes of the king of queens. i have tacos, i grow tired, i head to bed.

saturday:
with the ever ongoing “great cleanup project of 2007” still underway, i acquire a book shelf from work. the attempt to shove it into the back of the blazer goes much more smoothly than my last effort and i head for home. really, at this point, things are getting all sandford & son all up in here. with some minor cleaning the little wooden book case looks close to new, and is fairly easy to manage out of the car and into the abode. score. later after some delicious thin crust pizza i decide to play with my phone a bit. when i first picked it up in november, and several months following, very few ryan adams songs were available as ringtones. la cienega, just the greatest song ever, wasn’t an option. neither was the acceptable second choice of so alive. however, much to my surprise, on this very day, both were available. you have no idea how much joy this brings to my life. well, maybe you do, but i seriously doubt it. i used one of my three remaining credits and added a new ringtone. happy happy day. in looking for free videos on demand i discover some old school *nsync, i want you back i forgot they had a very specific dance to this song. i’m not gonna lie, some of it was a little gay. i wonder why my career as a boy band member never took off? D texts me from pennsylvania, pennsylvania? to tell me that she just bought me something. the anticipation is so palpable i can barely stand it. i wonder what it is, she rocks at picking out gifts.